by no one in particular

Created on: June 01, 2008

Oppression and abuse are all too common in families around the nation and the world. Abuse takes many forms with physical violence being the most overt form of abuse and most easily recognized. The damage from physical abuse is clearly seen in the form of bruises, broken bones, and even in death. Damage from the other common abuses that go on in families are not so readily visible. The scars on the emotions and the spirits of the abused go unnoticed by too many people, including the victims. These "invisible" scars and wounds only make the true solution more difficult to find, they are hidden behind a heavy cloak of guilt, shame and self hatred. Left to fester the wounds of abuse only perpetrate more of the same turning victims into perpetrators of their own sufferings without conscious effort.

Every single victim of spousal abuse has suffered at the hands of someone in their lives years before meeting the abuser. This may seem like a blanket statement but I am firm in my stance on this. In childhood many people are either overtly or covertly abused in various areas, physical, emotional, spiritual and sexual abuse happens every single day in families of all standing in the community. Much of this is not done purposely or with malice but the damage is none the less there.

If you tell your little child to kiss or to hug a person they do not want to, what message are you sending them? I have seen countless parents force their children to hug and speak to people they are not comfortable with. Why do I feel this is covert abuse, let me explain. When you make a child interact with someone they are afraid of or uncomfortable with you are teaching that child his or her feelings are of no account. Though they feel unsafe, for whatever reason, to force them to ignore the feelings that warn them to protect themselves is deeply damaging. Parents don't see the message they are sending to the child. They are telling that child to ignore the very instincts that were given to them, to comply with a request to do something they are uncomfortable with. To tell little Susy to kiss Uncle Sal when she is afraid of him is fostering future inability to determine what is safe for her, placing the needs of others ahead of her need to feel safe. Too much of this goes on today, and has always been the case in families.

When a person lives in a critical atmosphere they begin to question their own mind, they become unsure of the signals they receive about their own safety and abilities. Calling

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