by NotSoTweetOne

Created on: June 01, 2008   Last Updated: December 02, 2010

I have always had more male friends than female, partially due to my job in EMS`. These are nothing more than friendships and we do not wish to take it to another level, we are very comfortable as friends. We talk about everything including personal subjects like sex, so I get a lot of insight to the thoughts of men and they get the same about women. We don't always take each others advice, but we respect the opinions we share even when we don't agree. Our spouses at first were suspicious but now appreciate the friendship, especially when it comes to us giving advice on gifts..lol

With in the last year I have had 3 of my male friends loose a parent quickly due to either trauma or heart attack, and while this obviously affects people I didn't expect it to lead to infidelity. 

Two of the men out of the three ended up cheating on his wife within 3 -4 months after the death, while the third did not cheat he did , unbeknownst to his wife, contemplated cheating, divorce, and at one very low point suicide as why should he live if [as he thought] our lives end and we are worthless memories.

It was at this point I convinced him to see a therapist which is what also stopped him from cheating. I spoke with all 3 of them extensively during this time which gave me a lot of insight to the way they thought and felt during this time of great grief. One of the guys said they had begun to feel as if he was only needed on the days he got paid, and the rest of the time his wife could care less for him. All three spent much more time on the Internet during this time but stopped once they became aware that they may get caught this way, not by their wife but by their kids.

I never thought of this before as a reason for cheating, and after talking with them they said they never did either, but it seems that having someone very close die quickly opened up insecurities of not living life to its fullest, fear of not being wanted but being needed solely for their paycheck, among other feelings of insecurity. Where as friends who have had people close die of a longer illness said it gave them time to deal with their feelings a bit and not feel as much that the ill person was cheated because they had time to settle or come to terms with life and death.

Death of a loved one is always difficult to deal with but for some it can be the push over the edge into the arms of someone new.

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