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The genesis of every word gives it a denotation, that defines its meaning and usage. Over time, as cultures and their language changes, the denotations of words can shift as well. Gay is a good example of a word whose denotation has changed, in part, to mean something very different. The meaning of words, however, alters depending upon the connotation given the word by the context of its use. Whether spoken or written, various factors play into the context of a word that shape its connotation. During wartime or national crises, for example, patriotism takes on an inflated connotation that can additionally signify justice, moral right, bravery, and good character; during times of political scandals, patriotism can come by more sarcastic connotations that it would not even hint at in the public eye during wartimes.
So, connotation is context-specific (though it can be generalized upon), while denotation is more concrete. Words that are created and used with wholly negative denotations, such as racial slurs like chink, spick, and nigger, are forever tainted by negativity. Words can be created and use, such as the added denotation of gay to the word "fag" (which is both a meatball creation and a cigarette in the UK), may not be as wholly negative, but are generally used negatively. These both lead to a similar, but differently shaded, conclusion.
Words created with negativity as a denotation are forever tainted by it. The first african-american slaves that were called "nigger" were being regarded with a degrading word. The negativity in the word's use was ingrained, branded into it by the denotation given to it. These days, its denotation has been further altered in some uses to refer to other black speakers by a black speaker. The connotation in such cases is often one of kinship. But has the word lost its negativity? If a non-black speaker says "nigger", even if the connotation is one of kinship, they most often receive a very negative reaction; the word itself is denotatively negative, even if the connotation is positive.
Other words are more "grey" in their connotations and denotations; "fag" has other meanings than simply "gay person". The original use of "fag", however, was a negative one, and it is used by many with a negative connotation. Spoken, it is can be "you dirty gay person that I hate" just as it can be "you gay person I like and identify with." The connotation varies. But when the positive connotation is used, the negative denotation is still understood. It is widely known that "nigger" and "fag" are derogatory, even if they are being used in less negative connotations. The negativity lingers, still, its meaning branded into the word.
Despite positive connotations used with such negative denotations, the negativity holds on regardless. By making light of the term, or using it jokingly, both homosexuals and african-americans can say "nigger" and "fag", respectively, and gain some freedom from its negativity. By using it positively, they can smile or laugh at its use, even though it is said hatefully toward them by others. But this use of the word only confirms its negative meaning and the negativity surrounding it; the denotation is inescapable.
As long as the negative denotation of a word exists, the word will hold a negative meaning, and cannot be used without confirming the negativity in its denotation. Only when all negativity is gone from a word's denotations - a slim prospect - can it be used without a hint of negativity tainting it.
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