by andy flewker

Created on: May 31, 2008

My second cook Bill known to all as Woodsy informed me this morning that his is not working anymore "he just wants to go home" I had to agree with him that this was not exactly a nice place to be but the fact that we are 8000 miles from home and we still have two and a half months to go
Unfortunately this did not deter him from throwing in the towel and he went ashore on the morning launch ,dressed as normal looking more like a commando than a seaman/baker , camouflage trousers and coat, even a commando looking woolly hat on his head, and polished boots.

Eleven o clock in the evening and he has not returned on the last launch that drops everybody back off at their ship wherever they might be anchored, so we guessed that he is on board another ship, which is what we use to do ,if you knew crew members on other ships you would end up partying and crash there for the night, sometime the whole crew would storm your ship for an instant party, and to be quite honest apart from a days work there was really nothing else to do but have a drink.
The following morning he never turned up on the morning launch either, "well he did say he was not doing any more work "I thought, and continued with my preparing lunch.
"There is a launch coming along side. Andy!" "And guess who's on it said my mate "Woodsy"
I go out on deck to have a look at what is happening with the lads. Woodsy is stood on the back of this naval launch a naval escort either side of him
,"What's he done this time I wonder?" someone said
"I don't know but it looks serious doesn't it" said I
He gets back on board and is taken straight up to the captain, and we see no more of him until after lunch, when he appears grinning like a Cheshire cat
"Guess who is going home" he says "Anyone want a drink?"
Everyone says "Yes" The suspense was nearly all to much to bear
"Come on! Tell us what all that was about Woody!"
"I am not allowed to tell you " and suddenly the bar door opened and the escorts are back" Ready then Mr. Woods?" ask one of them., and with that he left the ship on the launch again, leaving us stunned and envious that he had managed to get himself home before us all.
Returning to the bar we are joined by the captain and all is revealed.
Mr Woods has been dismissed immediately because he went ashore yesterday got very drunk an boarded one of the other vessels' at anchor which is allowed, however there was a military sentry on the ramp and Bill challenged the sentry by asking him if he knew who He was, and that he had been able to board the ship without question. The poor sentry asked who he was and Bill replied"I am Lieutenant Commander woods and I want to report this to your Superior.Well the poor fella, he took bill up to the Officers bar and introduced him and then went and awoke the captain and his commanding officer, the catering officer rang the kitchen and sandwiches were ordered, Unlucky for Bill was the fact that the steward who arrived at the bar with the sandwich recognized Bill and said "hello Bill"
"How do you know this man asked the Captain?"
To which he replied "Everyone knows Woodsy the Tanker man"
"The tanker man! said the sentry who had to be restrained and poor Bill spent the rest of the night in the Brig (ships Jail) and hauled before the captain again in the morning, the Ministry of Defence complained about civilians impersonating Military Personnel and he was to be returned to his ship and not allowed ashore again under no circumstances, and it was recommended that the man be sent home immediately.

The Captain had little choice but to dismiss him for his conduct and he flew home the next day on the Mail plane.

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