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Humor: Lawn care

by Douglas Dunn

Created on: May 31, 2008

Whoever came up with the idea of planting grass in the yards of homes throughout our suburban areas? Not only does it waste valuable resources like precious water and invaluable time, but it requires constant maintenance; much like taking care of a pet show dog. You gotta trim it, you gotta mow it, you gotta fertilize it, you gotta water it and then you get to wait just a little while and do it all over again!

Sometimes the grass develops injurious bugs and deadly diseases and you have to spray all kinds of poisons on it to make it look better. I often wondered if the grass is like humans if it LOOKS better, does it FEEL better also? Why didn't our suburbia founding fathers come up with some other substance to fill the checkerboard yards they developed? How about a yard full of small bushes and trees? Or yards full of monkey grass that just multiplies without much upkeep. Or how about ivy, honeysuckle or trumpet vine for ground cover? Any of those 3 plantings will take over an entire neighborhood within a couple of years.

I like the way they do yards out in Arizona. Fill em up with gravel and a few cacti and there you have it. The cactus can be really pretty when their flowers bloom. You may see nice yards around the golf courses and business but look at the working man in Arizona, they have a yard full of gravel.

Now don't misunderstand. I realize wild areas and nature is full of grasses, yet they are not maintained by man and do just fine. By the way, since we are speaking of grasses, who was St. Augustine? Did he live in Bermuda and invent both grasses?

How do you know what type of grass to plant? Did someone named Rye develop rye grass? How did buffalo grass get its name? What about Dallis grass? How about the new turfalo grass? With so many options to choose from it can be a mind numbing process to plant a new lawn. Once again, gravel sounds pretty good.

I guess I'm just getting tired of the manicured, maintained, mainstream look after mowing lawns for 43 years. Make that 33. I think I started mowing grass when I was 10 years old. I reckon that explains the proliferation of the plethora of lawn services in the DFW metroplex. Everyone else is tired of mowing and messing with their lawn too.

I think it all has to do with pride of ownership which is a very good thing. Or maybe it just has to do with keeping up with the Jones. Mr. Jones is out mowing next door, so out I go to trim, mow and water. Hope you enjoy my lawn.

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