Financial harmony within a marriage. Hmm. Some might be inclined to think this is a contradiction in terms. However, despite money being a major cause of arguments within a marriage, it is perfectly possible for a couple and their finances to co-exist harmoniously.

Attitudes towards finances within marriages are changing. According to a survey by private bank Cater Allen, the desire among women to be self-sufficient is increasing with each generation.' Where once the man was the major breadwinner with the wife reliant on him for money, nowadays women believe this traditional view is long outdated and no longer relevant.

Time and again, married couples find out too late that, while they may be well suited as a partnership in love, their compatibility as financial partners is leading them straight down the bankruptcy path to divorce. It is therefore vital that money issues are discussed before entering into a marriage contract.

With all the excitement of falling in love and preparing for a wedding, discussion of future finances falls by the wayside. Often the main concern is the cost of the wedding which in itself can leave a newly wed couple in financial debt before they've even begun married life.

Newly weds can fall into the trap believing that life will continue as it did when they were a happily dating couple. Problems can arise if one partner earns more than the other. Income can be reduced if the wife becomes pregnant and stops earning for a time or unemployment unexpectedly strikes.

As a lifelong saver, I've always tried to have enough money squirreled away for the impending emergency I imagine is around the corner.

My husband, however, is quite the opposite. In his younger days, he had an expensive hobby, piloting small planes. This drained him of any spare cash and consequently had little in the way of savings when we met.

After our engagement we decided to pool our salaries into a joint account. Out of that we'd dish out equal amounts for both of us to do as we pleased. The remainder would go on joint expenses such as rent, groceries, energy bills, entertainment, travel and, if we had a good month, savings. Later on after marriage, we carried on the same way. Any large house purchases such as furniture, white goods etc, we'd discuss and agree a budget.

By using this method we have avoided (so far) many of the arguments and resentful tensions that often occur between couples who are not happy with the financial arrangements.

Incomes rise and fall over the years. Sometimes I have been the higher earner, sometimes he has. The point is that our method works for us. It is important for married couples to find and agree early on in their partnership, how they will manage their finances.

But take heart. If you haven't attained financial harmony within your marriage, don't worry too much. According to an American study which appeared in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, couples should forget about trying to attain marital bliss and instead, accept that life isn't perfect. It seems that the key to a happy marriage could be to accept that arguments, pain and hardships are inevitable in daily life. The perfect relationship simply doesn't exist.

Learn more about this author, Caroline Rickwood.
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