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Marriage & Intimacy

If it's all men think about, why is it women that initiate?

In general perhaps in this day and age women do initiate more. My own personal experiences with a woman initiating are varied. When I was inexperienced and uninitiated, either a virgin or just newly discovered, it was easier for a woman to initiate because I often lacked the confidence that it took to ask a woman. When I do I sort of just come out with it, rather than build up to that moment, and I certainly would never consider playing a lot of games to get the woman to the point where I thought it was okay to proceed in that manner. The irony of which is that I thought that was necessary to get somewhere with a woman in my youth.

This is a big part of the problem. Rather than simply listening to what a woman is saying and showing us, we spend a lot of the time listening to what we are saying to a woman, and we miss the boat. Chances are women are subtly initiating something with you numerous times throughout the day, but you aren't really that aware and you miss all of the signals. Sure men think about it, but a lot of us either don't honestly think that it can happen or we have our own misconceptions.

It also depends on who you're with as well. Could be you have a really nice girl that you think you have to romance and do a lot of mind play with to get there, and that isn't the case whatsoever. Then some other guy comes along and he gets it in no time and you're wondering what happened. She's still a nice girl, but you weren't as forward as you could have been. Maybe you're not sure how to do so with the right tact and discretion and don't want to offend anyone.

The worst that is going to happen is that she says no, and you still have a shot at some sort of relationship with the girl because while some are sick of being hit on all day long others still like the attention. It isn't the end all to be all but a woman still wants to know that she is desirable, even if she's pretty sure that doesn't want to at that particular moment, or with you at all.

We get conflicting messages. For years society suggested that women absolutely did not want to have anything to do with sex whatsoever, though since the early nineties that message has sort of went out the window. It also taught us for years that girls only wanted a particular type of guy, so even though the girl was right there and that defied your actual experience with her you're still sort of not believing it. Guys that are insecure, are still stuck on those obvious extremes, that


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If it's all men think about, why is it women that initiate?

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