by Monique Kuschel

Created on: May 31, 2008

May 20th 2008 I finally decided to call a vet to my house to let my buddy go, at the age of 16 and half years old, I watch him all his life , for he was born with a small liver, that never recovered , even after an extensive surgery at the age of 2. All the vets said he will never survive for more than 2 years. For more than 10 years I expected him never to reach his next birthday, he always did, until a week ago, when I realized he had reached all he could, his eyes looked dead, his body had given up on him, only his heart allowed him to survive past it all.

The vet came to the house, he was buried in the back yard, with his favorite toys and his big Teddy Bear, and blankie and the last ashes of my lover I lost 6 years ago to suicide.

My little boy's name is Beni, he had been with me since he was 3 months old, surviving his own genetic shortcomings and allowing me to survive 5 years of living with a lover plagued with schizophrenia and her eventual suicide. He followed me from Arizona to Seattle to Maine to Pittsburgh and Philadelphia, where he finally died, for I could not let him suffer any longer, for my own sake. He has been the strongest creature in my life for the last 16 years, his determination in his small body gave me the strength to continue my journey through life. His strength gave me the courage to go on, beyond all the pain we both endured. This little runt of a litter I adopted in Scottsdale AZ in 1992, was to be the strongest of the creatures in my life. He was my little boy, my buddy, my protector, my consolation, my hope beyond all I went through in the last 10 years.
I finally let him go, for his own sake. He was the best friend I ever had and he allowed me to survive the last 10 years and today I know he is free of his duty and I am free of my responsibility.

If there is such a thing as an afterlife, he is the one I want to meet at the door to let me go into the the world beyond this one.

I was an only, adopted child, I have survived thanks to all the pets I had over the years. They allowed me to find some kind of sanity, beyond all the wonderful experiencres I had all over 3 continents, but although i met with very diferent ethnic creatures over the last 25 years, the most understanding creatures I ever met were my dogs.

I dined and slept with Bedouins in the desert of Africa, I dined at Maxims in Paris, at the best restaurant in East Berlin, NYC, Miami, Scottsdale, San Francisco, Seattle, The best lobsters in Maine, the best sandwich in Pittsburgh, Philly and NYC, Paris, Milan, Nice, Monte Carlo,Tunis, Marseille,etc..

But my little boy gave me all the love I ever needed, we were an item and we did it until the end. The longest love affair I ever had.

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