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Reflections

Reflections: Healing after the death of a parent

My sister Beverly and I became very close when our mom became very sick. It was a joint decision to take mom to a nursing home for her own good. After she had knee surgery and came home she would not stand on the her legs to do anything. She would try but as she said "It hurt". The only time she would get up was to go to the bath room or go to the kitchen to get something to eat. That was when we made the choice to take mom to a nursing home. Mom did not want to go. My sister Bev, and eldest daughter could not keep bringing mom her clean clothes and food to her in the apartment every day. She was not well her self. She has heart problems and going back and forth to her own doctors appointments, made the day for her very hard. Bev was in control but she asked me because I'm a daughter too.

I lived a long way from Bev and my mom. They were in the county and I was in the city. It was very hard for me to get to see mom and Bev. I did not drive so I had to wait for transportation from one of my children, when they had a day off from work. I also had to take care of my husband who was not feeling well most of the time. Taking mom to the nursing home would make things alot easier for mom and us. The people there would take care of mom, Or so we thought. Bev always felt guilty about putting mom in the nursing home, I keep telling her that "It was not your decision alone, we made it together."


Mom stayed in the nursing home for almost 3 years before she died in 2005 of Sepsis.
Sepsis is an infection of the blood usually caused by a uterine infection, which is what mom had almost since she entered the nursing home. This was why Bev felt so guilty. We all felt bad enough. We were all in disbelief to mom's passing. It was October 10, 2005. Bev had gone to the nursing home to visit and mom was complaining that her stomach hurt. The nurse there taking care of our mom was one of the nice ones. She took her blood and moms white cell count was way up. Bev told the nurse to call 911. Bev called me to the hospital where mom died half hour after my kids and I got there. Bev said, "mom was waiting for me to come before dieing". If I knew that I would have taken longer to get there.
Our dad died in October also 28th 1965. Almost all our relatives died in October. We hate October. All Bev kept saying was "we need a vacation". After over 1 year of greiving, my sister Bev and I went to see Barry Manilow in Atlantic City NJ. We had a ball. We even got on the wrong train but we were good. We laughed alot and let out alot of steam at the concert. We could not stop laughing. Bev's son Shawn picked us up at the train station and drove me home. When we got home my husband Joe had dinner ready for us. I was surprised. Everyone was there. It was like we came back from a cruise. It was great.

Learn more about this author, Rosalie Pilone.
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