by Billie Meyers

Created on: May 30, 2008

Meet me in Hell! My dog eats poop, and I hate her!
My dog, bless her heart, is such a loving dog. I can't return the love, and it makes me feel so guilty. She grosses me out! I have her on a diet, so she eats non-food items to keep her belly full: Cat poop is her favorite. I just love it when she breathes on me, her warm, moist mouth smelling of cat feces-NOT! Other non-food treats she enjoys are soiled feminine napkins from the trash, grass, lip gloss, glue, underwear crotches-you name it!

Ewwww!

Meet me in Hell! My dog scratches her butt, and I hate her!
My dog, bless her heart, gets hot spots every summer. It makes her so miserable that she continually rubs her butt up against just about everything. It drives me crazy! I've tried the whole lot of the so-called treatments to no avail. She leaves dark spots on the walls and furniture where she rubs, and by summer's end I'm ready to kill her! I can't feel sorry for her anymore. Is there a hot-line for this?
Uughhh!

Meet me in Hell! My dog sleeps on the sofa, and I hate her!
Oh, yea, she knows better! She won't do it when I'm downstairs and can see her, but as soon as I leave the house or go upstairs . . . shuuup, she's up on the sofa. And when I catch her she slowly slides off the sofa like a damn seal. I'm just waiting for her to die so that I can get a new sofa. Bless her heart! That expensive L.L.Bean bed that I bought her must be so uncomfortable. Poor dear.
Aaaahh!

Meet me in Hell! My dog rolls around in stinky stuff right after a bath, and I hate her!
Oh why, oh why must dogs do this? My dog's favorite things to roll around in are dead animals like snakes, birds, and mice. She ruins any chance of gaining my affection when she does that! And poop! I don't think she intentionally rolls around it in, but occasionally her big, fat body will land in pile. Bless her heart! She's just being a dog. How do people do it? How can people love these stinky, poop-eating, butt-scratching, sofa-sleeping creatures?
Peeewww!

Meet me in Hell! My dog wipes her ass on my floors, and I hate her!
There's a commercial for a carpet cleaning service that shows a dog dragging its butt across a white carpet. It's funny to see it on TV, but it's not so funny when your dog actually does it on your floors! My hardwood floors have these poop streaks on them that won't come up. What have I done? What ever possessed me to invite this disgusting creature home to live with me?
Shhhhit!

Meet me in Hell! My dog's hair is everywhere, and I hate her!
PETA, you'd better come get this dog; I can't take the hair anymore! I have big, black tumbleweeds all over my hardwood floors, and I'm tired of sweeping them up. I'm also tired of cleaning up the puke, pee, and poop. I'm dreaming of various ways to get rid of my dog-poison, playing in traffic, starvation-but I can't go through with it! Why? Because my daughter loves her, bless her heart.
Awwww!

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