by Greer Garrison

Created on: May 30, 2008   Last Updated: June 08, 2008

Small Voice, Bad Choice, ... Big Voice, New Choice... Freedom, Rejoice

I am temporarily disillusioned
I am in a Blue Funk

My hopes and dreams momentarily shattered
To him I thought our marriage mattered

My long term vision fragmented
My forgiving spirit dis-enchanted

He is my "Bone of Contention"
His name I dare not mention
In the house he causes so much tension
Of his anger my son is aware and pays constant attention

That this affects us, he seems to have no comprehension

My vision, my voice, he tries to suffocate
I can't breath, I am engulfed, I am overcome, I feel I could asphyxiate
All he does is berate
For him to go to work, I eagerly await
All weekend long we are in constant debate
I thought we had a clean slate
How many years have we've been like this? Eight
In 4 years we've been on 2 dates
I want more and I expect more out of a mate

Oh, so many nights I have prayed
Through, almost 10 years of my life, I have stayed
Never loving him through one minute of it, what a price I have paid
Even so, I know.... this is a decision that I have made
The different options, I have weighed
The feelings of wanting more, start to invade
Will, I stay here for another decade?

I feel like crying!
I feel like shouting!
I feel like screaming!

But, he can't hear me.....
He chooses not to see me....

So I stay lonely
I continue to be unattended
I'm afraid these fences cannot be mended
I am always "traveling light"
As long as I'm with him, this will be my plight

Never able to express...... or vent my voice

I have become bombarded
My feelings discarded
My daily needs disregarded

He is not a mean man
He's just a man without a plan
He is not living in truth
In some way's he is still the boy of his youth

In life, in anything, he is not my equal
Of this marriage, there will be no sequel

I am emotionally broken
To him, I am just a token
No understanding words from him are ever spoken

Out to him, I've tried to reach
"Just let me in" I beseech
Of my wrong doings he's fast to preach
He endlessly reprimand's my speech

What do I want in a man?

A man of whom, trial's he can endure
A man that does not act so immature
A man, who of himself, is not always so insecure

A man who's is emotionally strong
A man who knows that he belongs
A man who is not afraid to admit when he is wrong

A man who has the capacity and the scope to be creative
Not who sits all day on the computer, in a state that's vegetative
A man that is stimulating, compelling, competent, and powerful

I know, one day.... I will feel more sure of myself

In the meantime, I am working on rebuilding my body, my soul, my mind
Which helps me, not to feel so confined

Writing, helps heal these wounds....

I feel so much better already
Before, I felt so unsteady

I know divorce is the last resort
I do not want to take him to court
I know he'll have a problem with child support
These major issues..... I must sort
My patience is running short

Once, I have made this final decision:

My life will start change
One life for another, I am ready to exchange
I will gradually start to regain some independence
For my class of one, I will be in attendance
I will regain some freedom of choice
Myself, off the floor..... I must hoist

I used to have a small voice, and I made a very bad choice
Now, I have a big voice, and I am making a new choice

Freedom ....... Rejoice!

Learn more about this author, Greer Garrison.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.