by Danine Manette

Created on: May 29, 2008

All signs are pointing to the fact that your spouse is cheating. So many critical mistakes are made during discovery and confrontation. Here are a few tips to help you avoid common mistakes one makes when confronting a cheating spouse.

#1 Never let on that you are suspicious of your spouse until you have gathered numerous pieces of evidence. If you rush in and confront them after finding one telephone number or text message, you run the risk of alerting them to your suspicions. Not only will they now stay on their toes, but they will make sure you never, ever have access to your source of information again (ie: cellphone, credit card bill, wallet, etc.) The goal is to behave normally and give them the impression that things are "business as usual". It is when cheaters are in their comfort zone that they slip up and make crucial mistakes.

#2 Never let the cheater catch you snooping. It is always wise to have a reason for being where you found what you found prior to getting caught snooping. You need to have your story planned out and plausible in advance. Therefore, when you get caught digging through his briefcase, you can claim to be looking for the electric bill that was misplaced and might have gotten mixed up with his papers. Getting caught snooping without having a valid reason for being there is a red flag to the cheater. That's why you should always have a $20 bill handy so that when you get caught snooping through her purse you can claim to be looking for smaller bills to pay the gardener, paper boy, kids coach, etc.

#3 Never allow the cheater to turn the tables on you and attack you before they provide a valid explanation for their behavior. Once confronted with facts, they will try to pull a Jedi Mind Trick on you by calling you crazy, stupid, psycho, insecure, childish, petty, ridiculous, looking for trouble or trying to start something. All of this will occur before responding to your question about who they were having drinks with after work last Friday. Don't let them twist the issue. Acknowledge that you are whatever they say you are and then demand that they give you an answer to your question. In other words say, "Yeah, I'm stupid and insecure. Fine. So who is she and how long have you two been screwing around?" Once you allow them to turn the tables, attack you, and then leave the confrontation, you will likely never get to the bottom of the story because he/she will have gained additional time to get their story straight.

#4 Never allow the cheater

• 1
• 2
• 3
• Next Page >>