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Humor: Cars

In the good ole' days, when I was a good ole' boy, I drove a fire engine red, 1994 Jeep Cherokee. In the middle of the steering wheel, roughly where you press to sound the horn, sat a small, round hologram of the Jeep logo. One day, as a white Mustang cut me off, I pressed the logo quite hard, and just as my middle finger was about to whip into action, I noticed that the hologram was stuck to the heel of my hand. I put it in my change accumulation bin (which was actually a cup holder in the center console), vowing one day to glue it back in.

Later that week, I pulled into the parking lot of Bishop Hendricken High School about an hour late. I had approximately fifteen minutes to kill-first period was not quite over and it was still too soon to sweet-talk the secretaries into giving me a late-with-excuse pass. As I was sitting in the lot, jamming to some hot new Tim McGraw tracks, I noticed a similarity between the circumference of the hole that had once housed the hologram and a penny. Curiosity got the best of me. I found myself inserting a penny...an exact match. So exact, in fact, that I couldn't get it out. Abraham Lincoln's face was lodged into my steering wheel forever.

As time wore on, I grew tired of telling the same story to inquisitive passengers. That is, until after a Christmas party in mid-December, 2003. I met a dashing young lady, way out of my league, that night. Being a stand-up gentleman, I offered her a ride home, not expecting her to take much of an interest in me, but figuring I'd give it a shot. My offer was accepted. As I was skillfully navigating the back roads of western Cranston, she must have happened upon Honest Abe, because she playfully asked me why our sixteenth president was ogling her from my steering wheel. Trying to be smooth, I replied, "Well, if I were in his position, I would be checking you out too." She laughed, probably thinking, what a tool.

"No, but seriously, why is there a penny there?"

I thought for a moment. "Because Abe's my hero. The guy freed the slaves in all but five states. He did exactly what was needed to keep the U.S. together. He was funny, he was smart. Great speaker...the Gettysburg Address-that's good stuff. Every time I find myself wondering about what to do in any given situation, this penny reminds me to think,"-I paused for dramatic effect-"what would Abraham Lincoln do?"

I don't think she knew how to react to that. She laughed. Thought. Then laughed again.


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Humor: Cars

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