My Serenity Garden began as a place for me to get away from the stress of a bad marriage, and turned into a Garden of Celebration where I can celebrate new beginnings for myself and my friends and family. It has been a journey of growth for me and the garden.
When I met Marc, one of the things that attracted me to him was the fact that he came "with child." I've always wanted children, but an abusive marriage and divorce didn't make that happen. I had been thinking of adopting when I met Marc and his son, Ryan, and thought that I would finally get my "happy ending." Ryan was ten when we met and we bonded instantly.
Unfortunately, my "happy" ending came with an ex-wife in tow who did not relish the thought of sharing her "baby" boy. While I thought our marriage would be the beginning of a new life, it was really the beginning of a nightmare that would last two years before I finally ended the marriage. The constant battles between Marc and his ex-wife consumed our marriage and destroyed the relationship I had with Ryan who was forced by his mother to choose between us. The stress of it all nearly destroyed me.
When I realized early in our marriage that it was not going to be a bed of roses, I knew that I needed to create a sanctuary. A place where I could restore my serenity and sanity when the chaos became too much, and the pain from my fibromyalgia was too intense for me to keep a smile on my face. The fibromyalgia was a new condition caused by the stress in our marriage, and I was struggling to learn how to deal with it.
I found the perfect space on the deck off of our master bedroom. It was close enough to allow me to be available to Ryan when he needed a hug of reassurance, but I was still able to close the door and hang my "Go Away - Leave Me Alone - P.S. I Love You" sign on the door when I needed some quiet. I immediately started creating my "Serenity Garden."
Since I had extended the roof over the deck and screened it in a few years prior, it was the perfect space for shade loving plants. I set up four wire shelf units, two at each end of the deck and two against the sliding glass door windows to give it an enclosed feeling. I then hung two long bamboo shades along the screen so that I could roll them up or down depending on the weather or amount of sun hitting the deck. Two resin-wicker chairs and a matching table at one end gave me an inviting area to sit with Marc or Ryan, while at the other end a hammock chair for sitting in and just relaxing. Water fountains on two of the shelf units, candles, and a CD player with a variety of soft music completed the area. Now I just needed to fill it with plants.
Ferns were the obvious choice, but I also wanted the occasional splash of color and surprise of a new bloom, so I chose a variety of orchids that would blossom throughout the warmer months. I added a few Heuchera plants to give me some fall colors, and hung Christmas Cactus where it would get the most available light to give me some holiday flowers. I potted them all in matching neutral green pots so that they were consistent and contributed to the calm atmosphere of the deck. I found a large glass jar and created a small terrarium to sit on the table between the chairs. My Serenity Garden was complete, and just in time.
I spent a great deal of time in my Garden the last year of my marriage. It was a place where Ryan could share all his fears and the hurt of having to make choices no mother should force her child to make. It was where he could feel safe and still be the child he wanted to be in his adult world. The Garden was where I could grieve the loss of my dream to be a mother when I needed surgery because of health issues. It was where I could grieve the end of my marriage as I realized Marc never loved me and had just wanted someone to financially support him and make his ex-wife jealous. It was where I could grieve for my father when he was diagnosed with a terminal illness, and where I would grieve for him when he died.
My Garden has also become a place of happiness for me. It has been where I could sit with a friend and toast her new marriage, new job, or the arrival of a niece, nephew or grandchild. It has been where I could celebrate myself and my own job change. The Garden has been where I could relax, sip a glass of wine, and remember my Christmas cruise in Germany that I had always wanted to take and finally allowed myself to indulge in and go. It is where I sit and am thankful for all of the blessings in my life, my friends and my family.
The fibromyalgia has gone now, with only occasional flare-ups when work starts to stress me out. But I know where to go when it does... my Garden where I can relax, restore, and remember who I am, what I have overcome, and what I have to look forward to.