Root canals, crowns, chipped teeth, painful gums. These maladies are my old friends. My family was blessed with problem teeth. No matter how much I brush, the dentist will get a nice sum of moola from me. My wife is just the opposite. Her teeth are perfect in every way. Maybe she has had one or two cavities her whole life. Her sister has never had one cavity! My wife won't even look at me and when she does she runs away. I am going through hell with my teeth and I need a solution fast. This whole business started about five years ago when I started getting abnormal neck and back pain.

How is this for complications. I also have degenerative discs in my back. This has forced me to the pain doctor and on to medication. I even tried an experimental medicine called Fentora. Well, this did not taste so great so I got into the habit of offsetting the taste with Mike and Ike's. You know, those gummy flavor-packed candies that taste so good. I was going through two and sometimes three boxes a day. I was even going to sleep with them. This caused havoc with my teeth, and almost every single one of my teeth ended up with cavities. Back to the dentist.

Needless to say, he took one look in my mouth and the shock and horror that came over his face was even scaring me. He even ran out of the room to show his partner my teeth! He told me he had never seen the rate of decay in his life as he witnessed going on in my mouth. This didn't exactly reassure me, and I told him I was on a year experiment on a pain drug that tasted awful. Anyway, I was looking at a whole lot of work to be done and going to the dentist for me is like going to the executioner.

It is two years later. I have had six root canals, four crowns and I am still chipping teeth faster than a woodchipper. Pretty soon, I will have a mouth full of crowns and no nerves. I am looking forward to the day with no pain. I went to one of those sedation dentists that put you to sleep and work on your teeth. This guy was my salvation. Problem was, when we got the bill, I keeled over and chipped another tooth. Almost forty-five hundred for one root canal and crown. At that rate it would cost almost fifty grand to fix my teeth! I would rather walk around like a carnival geek than pay that price.

Excuse me, I have to call my dentist to set up another appointment. I am still waiting for him to get back from his fourth vacation this year.

Learn more about this author, Anthony Megna.
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