by Peggy Lindgren

Created on: May 29, 2008   Last Updated: December 27, 2008

At the beginning of the semester, summer seems so far away. In just a few months the house will once again, be filled with noise and laughter and I find myself anxious for summer when the kids will return home from college for a few short weeks.

It has taken a couple of months to get used to the peace and quiet. I found myself turning the TV on, just to fill the house with noise. After 18 years of kids coming and going, loud music and kids to pick up after, I must admit at first, we were a bit shell shocked! After all, we spent years being parents, making sure we knew where they were and when they would be coming home. Once they leave for college, they only answer to themselves. The transition will be a challenging one.

Returning home will be an adjustment for everyone. We finish unpacking and sit down together for the old traditional family dinner. It feels a bit strange, but in a good kind of way. Yes, they have been home for winter breaks but we now have a few months to settle in, to a new kind of family.

After all, it has been awhile since we asked where they were going and when they would be home. They have gained a new independence and we, as parents are the ones who need to make some changes. They honestly, appear to be older and wiser. Therefore, we have to find new ways to parent and this can be a challenge to all of us.

Before leaving for college, we asked them to call and let us know what the plan was for the night. Even if it was tentative, this has always been the rule. They continued to do this when they returned. I do not remember it being an issue, just a consideration on their part. At the same time, they would give us an idea when they might be home. Before college, curfews were necessary. Now, that would seem unfair and unreasonable.

As a parent, I find in difficult to sleep soundly until they are home. This is a major adjustment because I cannot stay awake like I used to. I am learning to trust their independence and keep reminding myself they manage just fine away at school.

For the kids, having ANY rules is difficult. Living without rules, has been their lifestyle. Coming and going, leaving clothes all over their room, shoes everywhere. Not calling mom or dad with their whereabouts, this has been normal for them.

The transition between college and home does not have to be stressful. It is all about mutual respect, give and take. We will give them more space and allow them to maintain the independence they gained. They still call and give me an idea when they might be home, and I let them know I appreciate the thoughtfulness.

They leave their clothes, shoes and stuff all over the house. As messy and crazy as these days are, I know they will soon be over. Occasionally, I notice they fold laundry or empty the dishwasher without being asked.

We are now a family of adults and yet, worrying and parenting will never end. I hope we are giving them the space they need and the home they enjoy coming home to. Soon enough, the peace and quiet will return and I will find myself, anxiously waiting for the winter break.

Learn more about this author, Peggy Lindgren.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.