by Jason Hernandez

Created on: May 29, 2008   Last Updated: June 10, 2008

Eight people in a one-bath house is asking for trouble, I suppose; but even when we were only four people, the troubles with the septic field had begun. It was poorly designed from the start.

In any event, in the backyard was a hill, and at the bottom of the hill, the drain field. Mom planted some comfrey there, because, she said, comfrey helps children grow. We never actually used it, but still, it was there. Perhaps she was hoping such vigorously growing plants would draw down the water table; because that was the trouble. The blackwater draining from the septic came to the surface at the bottom of the hill, creating a muddy, stinking swamp. In the winter, though there could be snow all around, it never froze there. After we saw the movie, "Labyrinth," we kids dubbed that spot "The Bog of Eternal Stench."

The comfrey did not draw down the water table. It seemed quite happy to grow in septic mud with blackwater pools around its feet; it formed a lush jungle of gigantic leaves, and great curlicues of flowers. So Mom and Dad tried something new: laying down newspaper, in hopes that it would soak up the excess moisture. But they left the newspapers in bundles! So all that happened was that the wetness melted the sheets together, solidifying the newspapers into solid, hard blocks. So now we had some nice little stepping stones across the Bog of Eternal Stench!

Ah, the innocence of childhood! I remember exploring my comfrey jungle, stepping nimbly from one newspaper block to the next, catching the paper-shelled snails, having no idea anything was wrong. To this day, I still plant comfrey wherever I call home. Somehow, it never quite grows into a jungle though....

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