Search Helium

Home > Creative Writing > Humor

Humor: Pet peeves

by MiLa Driver

Created on: May 29, 2008

Oh, I have some pet peeves alright! I'm not easily annoyed, but there are some things that just plain get on my last nerve. Here are some that come to mind:

SKINNY DIETERS
Now I'm not talking about the woman who is trying to drop a few. I'm talking about the naturally skinny girl who will grab a donut in the lounge and proclaim, "I'm eating a jelly filled donut even though I can't afford to!" Or they eat half a sandwich and groan, "Oh, I'm soooo full!" Yeah, you are, I think; full of bull. You're already skinny, you know it, we know it, so just eat and shut up. Please.

PROCRASTINATING BUYERS
Okay, so aren't we all using debit/credit cards nowadays? Not if you're the person standing in front of me in the checkout line at the grocery store apparently. Now my mom still writes checks so I'm not dissing anyone who still does. My problem with you is that you wait until the cashier has rung up everything in your cart, gives you the total and THEN you start digging for your wallet. Goodness, you're not doing anything while the cashier is beeping your items; why not pull out your wallet NOW and start filling in all the blanks on the check? Or better yet, ask your bank to give you a debit/credit card and join the rest of us in 2008! Yes, you too mom.

BLINKER-LESS DRIVERS
What are the odds that so many people have their blinker lights burned out at the same time? Not likely. Its scary changing lanes when I'm on the highway now because I don't know if Ms. Oblivious in the outer lane will suddenly swerve into the middle lane at the same time I decide to. My blinker is on; you KNOW I want in that lane. Are you even looking?

OPEN-MOUTH CHEWERS
I don't know for sure, but I think cows eat with their mouths open, don't they? It is disturbing to hear a person chewing (unless it's something crunchy) and it's even more disturbing to see the half-digested food riding on your tongue. Please, close your mouth when you chew.

NO-HANDS CELL PHONES
Okay, using no hands to answer your phone while you are driving is one thing; no one can hear you outside of your car. But if you are at the grocery store and you are walking around speaking loudly to seemingly no one, you look crazy! And you are annoying! Too bad we don't have remote controls to turn your volume down. No one needs or wants to hear about what you did last night so keep your voice really, really down or better yet, wait until you are in the car to make that phone call.

JOKESTER INSECTS
It's one thing to see a roach walking on your wall. You see him before he sees you and you can blast him with roach spray and still escape. But I hate the insects that wait for you quietly; the ones that jump out of that box you just got out of the closet. They had it planned all along; to make you scream like a little girl and make exaggerated moves with your arms and legs as you try to get away. They stand on the edge of the box and sway their long antennas as they laugh their butts off watching you. Even more annoying is that their friends are also hiding and they are hooting and hollering, giving high-fives to each other, rolling on their backs with their spiky insect legs jerking in laughing spasms. Jerks.

Learn more about this author, MiLa Driver.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

261725

Featured Partner

American Dystonia Society

American Dystonia Society (ADS) is dedicated to advancing Dystonia research, promoting patient advocacy and increasing public awareness of this debilitating disease. Our top priority is to maximize delivery of donations and grants to fun...more


CONNECT WITH US

Read
our blog
Helum for writers

Write and get published
Share with other writers
Polish your freelancing skills

Join our active writing community
Helium Content Source for Publishers

Quality articles from proven freelancers
Exclusive rights, fast turnaround
Brand engagement, business blogging -- our writers do it all

Get custom content today!

INFORMATION


Helium, Inc.
200 Brickstone Square Andover, MA 01810 USA
#