by Just Me Here

Created on: May 28, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

MY DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOTHER

For as long as I can remember my mother and I have not gotten along. As a young girl she would talk so mean to me and just the looks she would give me alone would make me want to run and hide. one of the earliest times I can remember her just being plain mean to me for no apparent reason was when I was five years old. She would lock me and my sisters out of the house for the entire day and not even let us in to go to the bathroom.

I can remember her telling us to go in the backyard and it was humiliating. I often thought she hated me because I was a bad girl, but could not remember doing anything bad enough for her to treat me the way she did. She would allow only one of us (my sisters or me) to go in and make a sandwich for each of us at lunch time, and then lock us out again until it was dark.

I was only five years old and I was the baby of the family so my sisters were expected to look after me the entire day. We always found something to do and had fun with each other, but still I always wondered why my mom did not want us inside. My dad would come home and he was always the nice one, but he had to work all day to support the family.

For my entire life to this very day, my mom has never told me face to face she loved me, and that hurts more then anything else. One year she did however write it in a birthday card and I saved that card and still have it put someplace where it can never be damaged. I fear that is the only time she will ever let me at least think she loves me.

I am a grown woman now with children of my own and she does not even call or come by to see me or her grandkids. Now that I am old enough I see that it is not me who has the problems, but her. Still as I see that, it is hard for me to feel loved from anyone in my life. I do the complete opposite with my children and tell them several times a day I love them.

I smother my children with love and affection so they will never experience the pain I felt growing up with a mom who did not like me. Sometimes my children will tell me mom I already know you love me, and I know it may annoy them I tell them so often, but I want them to know I do love them.

I never had a good relationship with my mom and as I graduated from school she she did not attend. I think I was the only child without a mother in the audience and I felt so ashamed. I remember telling my friends she was out of town and could not make it. I had to make up stories so they would not question

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