by Brian Willett

Created on: May 28, 2008   Last Updated: August 21, 2011

Going away to college, even if only to a local school, can be an extremely trying time for teenagers, and it is an experience that brings many changes. Living on ones own for the first time comes with many challenges, and at times it may seem as if more learning is done outside the classroom than inside. As a result, returning home for summer vacation may be as challenging an experience as going away to college was, as teens have likely undergone major changes. In addition, what most teens fail to realize is that their parents have probably changed a bit in the interim as well.

While prior to college, family affairs may have revolved around the teenager, priorities often shift in their absence. A student's parents may have gotten used to spending more time alone together, and certain routines may have been altered or eliminated altogether. While teens should understand that these changes are a result of a different family dynamic, the last feeling they should have is that they no longer belong. Even parents grow and mature during their children's college years, and it's no reason to be insulted. Teens should try their best to adapt to any household changes and be cooperative.

Parents have an equally difficult task at hand as their teens return home. College life often leads children to be more independent and self-reliant, which can be expressed through increased assertiveness. The desire to do things oneself is a natural consequence of living alone, and parents shouldn't feel unwanted, but instead appreciate the fact that their teen is learning how to survive on his or her own.

And even though children miss their parents while away at school, they may spend less time around the house, opting to visit with high school friends they haven't seen in a while. So while parents may have envisioned a three-month long family reunion, teens eager to reconnect with old acquaintances may crash this party.

The most difficult challenge for parents, though, is accepting that their child may not seem to be the same person that left in September. Ones first year away from home is an experience unlike any other, and its transformative power should not be underestimated. Rather than lament the "loss" of a pre-college personality, parents should recognize that during this time period, teens are investigating themselves and developing into adults. As such, any "odd" or different behaviors should be treated with respect. Simply put, college students are no longer little kids, and adjustments to certain household policies, such as extending curfews or cutting allowance, should be altered to reflect changing family dynamics.

Though this can be a hard time for families, reasonable, logical behavior and mutual respect can ensure the continuation of a healthy relationship.

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