by James Bohan

Created on: May 28, 2008

College students returning home for breaks can be a difficult and stressful adjustment for any family. As the student has been away from home for the better part of a year, a natural independence has set in - as is the real objective for a college student. Families have also developed a new dynamic with the student gone. A routine has set in and now the return of the student forces adjustments to the family routine.

A year without much direct supervision, curfew or any real imposed rules or standards of behavior can lead to significant confrontation when the student returns home. The responsibility for acclimating to the new dynamic cannot be handled with an iron-fisted approach on the part of parents. It may be your home, but the independence garnered by the returning student is going to be resistant to an authoritarian approach. At the same time, the student needs to be made to understand that they are back under mom and dad's roof.

While some parents may simply say that it is not their place to negotiate with children, the reality is those students are no longer children, but young adults who have been on their own for a year. In my situation, family dinners were a priority for my parents and as such my parents expected me to be home for dinner every night. Unfortunately I had taken a summer job and frequently missed dinner - especially during the week.

This summer job did fix one issue however - and that was curfew. While I had been held to a midnight curfew during high school, I found myself frequently coming home earlier because I had to be up for work the next morning. On the weekends, I agreed to make a conscious effort to make dinner, with the understanding that the weekends were my time and my parents did not try to impose a curfew so long as I did not disrupt the house when I did arrive at home. In addition, if I was not going to come home that night, my parents asked simply that I let them know ahead of time, and let them know what general plan I had for the evening so they at least knew there was no need to rouse the National Guard to search for me.

It is important for parents to keep in mind that the college years are the time when your kids are taking on the responsibilities you have been preparing them for. By compromising on some of the rules and guidelines for managing your home, the transition for both parties can be made much easier. By simply communicating with your student and giving the same respect you're asking for in return, the transition home can be made - well - almost painless. Just keep in mind these are the last years you will have with your student living at home so make them count.

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