by Jesse Hunt

Created on: May 28, 2008

What is self esteem? Is it being better than somebody else I would venture to say no. When ever your worth or value is wrapped up in another person you have entered into dangerous ground, of which sorrow is eminent. Why is this? First, you have no way of determining the outcome of another person's behavior. Second, healthy people act according to their own beliefs and values not upon yours.

What does this mean for an individual? To obtain a higher level of self esteem you must make a decision to live according to your values, and your beliefs. A definition I give to values is something that returns value, without harm to others, or self. We must learn to act according to our nature. For me the nature of which I speak is the way you were as a child, or the way you feel towards others. For me I was a gentle, peacemaking child, I loved humor because it lightened others, and made life fun. I find a great level of happiness when I still act in this way towards others. I gained many of the beliefs I have at a young age too, through religious training. The learning of values, and gaining of beliefs is a critical step of childhood. It is even more critical to continue your education and finding new values as an adult and it is important to put your values into genuine action.

A lack of esteem for ones self begins to diminish as soon as a person begins to act against ones values. An Individual that values truth, but chooses to lie will find discomfort and even a little contempt for self. Self esteem is further damaged as an individual tries to maintain esteem by using others to gain it. It is impossible to be gain happiness through others. This is so because we cannot choose how others will act. So in depending on the date with Jan to make your week worthwhile is setting yourself up for lowering of esteem. If the date is a flop so are you. Sounds a little skewed because it is.

So choice and the ability to choose is a critical step in making one happy, and building esteem. We can look at workout magazines until we have situational depression. Or you can choose to work out for an hour and feel a situational shift towards higher self esteem. Same goes for our values. We can choose to live according to the values we hold, or deny them. To deny will almost always brings discomfort. In the midst of continued denial of values and beliefs people will often seek something to feel the gap. This is often filled with a new value easier to follow, or with a new bad habit to make one feel happy. These often lead into misuse, leaning towards addiction.

To get into addiction is the ultimate esteem trap. It is vicious looking for something outside of ourselves, and our values to make us happy. It cannot occur, for happiness must come from a unity of beliefs, and our actions. It takes a remarriage of values and action to get out of addictive thoughts, or actions. To get out of the trap it takes help often others we trust to point out our blindness to our selves. It can only take your own willingness to act for yourself, in choosing to live according to your central beliefs and values.

Self esteem is won and lost on daily battle fields of life. It is gained in choosing to live according to your internal beliefs. It is won by controlling your actions, and not in controlling others. Esteem is gained by spotting troubled ground in your life, and looking for clear actions to combat them, actions that might come from opening up to others, listening to their advice, then choosing to accept or reject.

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