by Elizabeth Rogers

Created on: May 27, 2008

Prenuptial agreements make a statement of mistrust, no matter how practical they may sound. If anything should be compulsory for couples to have before they wed, it is marriage counseling. Counseling tends to reveal the challenges that may lie ahead for two people, and tools are given for dealing with differences and unexpected situations. Prenuptial agreements scream out loud that people's assets are more important to them than the person they are intending to share a lifetime with and perhaps raise children with. Mandatory statements of fear and distrust are not healthy ingredients for marriage.

If two people feel that they want to make such an agreement, that is their business. Perhaps it gives them some sense of security that they do not possess. Marriages do fail, and divorce is a messy clean up job, at best. I am not sure why two people would want to be married if they were concerned about the stability of their vows, but that is up to them. It is not up to society to demand that people build an escape route into their marriages.

Sometimes people go into a marriage with an inheritance or a considerable amount of property or earned money. It is understandable that they would not want to lose a large portion of that if the relationship ended and the other person made unreasonable demands that were out of proportion with a practical settlement. An honest discussion and mutual, signed if desired, agreement should be enough to deal with these issues. Why make it a law?

What would come next if prenuptial agreements became compulsory, custody agreements before the birth of a child? The state of marriage in our society is already shaky. Positive input would help people fare far better than exit signs at the altar (or wherever the vows are made). Perhaps people would take marriage more seriously if they thought more about making it work than what to do if it doesn't. Money and possessions are not what marriage is all about and this kind of governmental regulation would be unnecessary and unwise. Let the people decide.

Sad things happen in marriage, but preparing for the worst may be the beginning of things getting worse. As hard as settlements are and as emotionally challenging as divorce can be, marriage, by definition, is meant to be something more than a fleeting idea. Our society should be in the business of raising the standard of living in this country, not in creating mandatory back-up plans.

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