by Rhonda Piraino

Created on: May 27, 2008

"Divorcing" your hairdresser is your absolute right.

As a hairdresser myself, I understand the delicate nature of the relationships with my clients. I'm in their personal space. They trust me to have the technical ability to improve their appearance.

Increasingly, my role is that of life counselor, and as such my clients reveal to me personal information that they might only share with a close friend. My clients understand I have an unwritten "confidentiality agreement"; my motto is, "My salon is Vegas what's said in here stays here".

This has become a slippery slope, and I propose an ethical clause much like that of the psychiatrist with her client. A psychiatrist doesn't see her clients socially to avoid any conflict of interest. In fact, if your psychiatrist sees you in public outside of her practice, it's unethical for her to even greet you unless you do so first, because the fact that you even see a psychiatrist is supposed to be kept confidential.

In reality, a hairdresser isn't a psychiatrist, of course; it's a much more relaxed profession with no set rules in place to prohibit social interaction with clients. But once the relationship becomes more of a friendship than a professional relationship, it muddies the water.

I know whereof I speak. Early in my career I readily befriended many clients. It's simple human nature since I deal with people on such a personal level. But it's also human nature to want to avoid hurting people's feelings. Many times, I knew I just wasn't suited to certain people; we'd have simple communication gaps or other issues that made it impossible for me to provide them with a hairstyle they wanted.

Rather than tell me they were dissatisfied, they'd simply disappear. Frequently, when I'd run into these former clients in public, one or both of us would feel too embarrassed to even acknowledge the other's presence.

I would MUCH prefer my clients be honest with me, whether they consider me a friend or not. I'd even be happy to offer referrals if possible. I don't enjoy losing clients, but over 20 years in this business has taught me it's inevitable. Another motto I employ is, "There's a rear-end for every chair". If a client has given me a few chances and is still dissatisfied with my work, by all means, I'd encourage them to seek a referral.

I now make it a point to ease this subject into conversation with each client. I speak in general but friendly terms, only giving my opinion on the matter. If my clients feel comfortable telling me all of the sordid details of their lives, I welcome that and always tell them they can speak freely and in complete confidence. However, I reinforce the professional nature of my relationship with them.

Conversely, I don't indulge deeply personal information of my own to my clients. Conversationally, of course, I'll discuss how my parents are or my son's latest antics when I'm asked. But I don't use my clients as my own sounding board. If your stylist does, I'd seriously reevaluate the relationship.

The bottom line is it's YOUR money, and it's your right to spend your money where you find the most value. When you feel you need to make a change, I think most hairdressers would respect a simple handwritten note. I certainly would. If your hairdresser seems to have hurt feelings or to take it personally, then you can feel even more confident in your decision.

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