by Rocket

Created on: May 27, 2008

Today is May 27, 2008 and is significant because I have been married to my husband for 32 years today.

Although we have been quite happy these last years, today's celebration will be somewhat dampened: last night I mentioned a conversation between my boss and I that I knew my husband would not want to hear, but my need to complain won out over my need to respect his wishes, and just as predicted, my husband responded in the abrasive way he responds when thwarted, and just as predicted, I was crestfallen.

Psychologists would probably quote Freud and say that I really wanted this to occur, but I think I was just really hoping, that after all these years, that a small change had taken place in my husband that would allow him to tolerate this little discomfort over the larger need of mine to feel supported.

Men and women are different. What irritates a man will not irritate a woman and vice-versa.

My husband has never bought me a diamond ring. Thirty-two years ago he picked up a signature ring on the sidewalk, and when no one came to claim it, he pawned it and bought my wedding ring for a few bucks. Later on, said ring was exchanged for a more expensive gold band, at my insistence.

A ring isn't everything, but it does reflect on the dynamics in a relationship. I sometimes wonder if I am missing something by not being courted. He does acknowledge his shortcomings with bashful explanations: "I don't know how to choose jewelry", "I hate restaurants" and "I am not into schmatties".

Despite my need to be sought after and valued, I know my husband has made great efforts to adjust and please me, and if we are still together today, it is because of his persistence and insistence. I am the one who constantly wants out, whenever the going gets rough, or I feel hurt. But I also place a burden on the relationship by never giving up my disappointment at not succeeding in pursuing a career of my choice. Our disappointments can slowly poison our relationships if we let it.

The good times make it all seem worth it, and the existence of our children make all complaints seem trivial. Besides, I don't really care about all those gifts and exhibitions of commercial courtship. What I really want is someone I can trust and depend on, someone who loves me, and I have that.

Who else would work so hard to keep us together? Marriage is work, every day. It's not just about showering each other with compliments or accepting one another, it's about really "seeing" each other and understanding the

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