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I am only an observer in this particular argument, however, looking at the larger picture of insults connected with race or behaviors I find that stereotyping insults usually find their way to identification and acceptance.

Take "bitch" as an example. When I was growing up in the 1960s my father used this term for any women in his business (journalism) that was competitive and assertive. Women and men alike were extremely put off by this behavior. It was considered antisocial, as a woman, not to be soft and feminine and duplicitous to manipulate your environment (and your men).

In the ensuing years feminism swung one way, then another, balanced itself out in it's current rendition, and women have come to not only accept but also identify with this term as powerful. "She's a true bitch," we say and mean that we admire her for the balls it takes to confront a situation without caving. Men haven't changed all that much and are often still threatened by bitch behavior, but our vision of ourselves as strong women created pride in the term.

As an observer, again, we can discuss the use of the "N" word (but I can't write it out here). Suffice it to say that there is a little more debate about it's accepted use than my above example, however, in my opinion, it also has evolved within the black culture to be both accepted and used with pride and identification in certain circles and circumstances.

Slang homosexual terms have evolved since my father's day. Some were straightforward ugly, but others were just confusing. In the years since, I'm still more confused by how these insults are chosen. There aren't many insults that are so cheerfully associated in my mind as those for homosexuals: fairies, rainbows and gaiety in general just don't have teeth. So, I imagine it would also have to be the term used and it's context that would be the deciding factor in feeling insulted.

My teen children call each other and various situations and things "gay". When I first began hearing this I took it literally and wondered how a poster or a lamp or a chair could be "gay' since there is no sexuality associated with these objects. If we were speaking another language that associated gender with objects, I might have been less confused.

Anyway, I was surprised at the term's constant use in their vocabulary. When they use it this way it means something not acceptable or bad, however, these same kids don't think actual homosexuality or bisexuality is "bad" at all.

Would I be insulted if I was gay and the lamp was also accused of being gay in my presence? Depends if it's a nice lamp or not.

Learn more about this author, Heidimarie Densmore.
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