by Darlene Zagata

Created on: May 26, 2008   Last Updated: June 19, 2008

Loss of any kind can be very traumatic for children especially when it involves the death of a family member. Children grieve just as adults do and their grief can run just as deep. Children may grieve not only because of death but due to lost surroundings, friends, chronic illness and change that may be difficult for them to accept such as moving to a new home and leaving their old school. There are ways in which you can help children accept loss and deal with the grieving process.

Be honest.

Be honest with your children when they ask you questions regarding death. Explain as best you can according to the child's age and level of understanding. If your child asks a question you can't answer simply tell your child you don't know. Children will appreciate your honesty and sometimes it helps for them to know that parents don't always have all the answers.

Reassure your child.

Let your child know that it's okay to express their emotions. Grief can bring many emotions to the surface including anger. Let your child know that it's okay to express his/her emotions. Tell him it is alright to be angry. Explain that it is natural to feel this way when you are hurting inside. Children may express their emotions outwardly or keep them hidden inside. It can help your child to know that you feel those same emotions and that it is perfectly normal to be hurt and angry when you lose someone you love.
Share your feelings.

Encourage your child to talk.

Encourage your child to talk about how he/she is feeling. If he doesn't want to talk that's okay too. Just let the child know that you are there for him/her if the child should feel like talking later.

Give your child the benefit of the doubt.

If you have a family member that is suffering from chronic illness such as cancer or a grandparent with alzheimer's disease you may be debating over telling your child the truth. Parents often avoid telling children because they want to spare them the hurt and grief or they may feel the child won't understand. Children often have more wisdom than we realize. Sooner or later your child will have to come to terms with the situation. It may be best to break the news gently and gradually rather than having it come as a shock at a later time.

Turn a negative into a positive.

If your child is grieving because he/she misses a home, school and friends left behind due to a move help him/her to look at the move as a new opportunity. Help your child to meet new friends and keep in touch with the old ones. Point out all the positive aspects of your new home, neighborhood and school. Help your child to focus on the positive instead of the negative. By doing so you can help your child to adapt to the new living situation more readily and with less stress.

Learn more about this author, Darlene Zagata.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.