by Susan Lower

Created on: May 26, 2008   Last Updated: June 19, 2008

Everyday our children face new challenges, challenges we chalk up to being a part of the uncertainties of life. We teach them to tie their shoes and count by two's. But what happens when, one day, their lives are turned upside down?

Not every situation is foretold in our lives, but if you can prepare your child early of things to come, it is easier for them to adjust to the new stage in their life. Start by talking to them. Tell them what is going to happen and and when it will occur, like a move or up coming surgery. Depending on your child's age you may want to find some children's books with illustrations to read in the upcoming days at bed time before the event.

When your child is scared, sad, upset take the time to listen and find out what causes them distress. Saying goodbye to their goldfish, "Goldie", might be just as hard as saying goodbye to a loved one. You know your child, you know when they need a hug, time to talk, or just time to themselves. Allow them other alternatives of expression such as art, writing, or imaginary friends. The main thing is to encourage and demonstrate to them how to handle their emotions.

Children express grief and loss in many ways. Whether you are moving to a new house, a new town, leaving friends behind, or experiencing the lost of someone or something loved,the best thing you can do for your child is to be supportive. Remember to approach the situation in a manner that keeps the child's best interest at heart. It may be difficult when you too are dealing with loss and sorrow along with your child. Let your child see you cry, encourage them to show their feelings, talk to them, listen to them, and above all be reassuring to them in a loving manner.

If you shut the door on your kids in time of grief, they too will close their door to you when they need you most. By opening your door, interacting with your children, and teaching them the skills of open communication, you are helping them learn to deal not only with today's loss, but the grief and losses that will creep up into their lives unexpectedly later.

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