by Dee Cain

Created on: May 26, 2008   Last Updated: June 19, 2008

Dealing with the loss of a loved one as an adult is hard enough but for a child it can be a frightening experience. If the adult is caught up in their own grief sometimes comforting a child is difficult.

Many times I hear people explain to a child that the deceased went to sleep or went to live with Jesus. While this would explain why the person was no longer around it also can add fear and confusion for the child. They are left to wonder if they go to sleep will they not wake up either. If the person just went to live with Jesus then why can't they visit them or have them come back to visit?

As adults we come to learn that dying is part of the life cycle. We accept this because we are taught by the adults in our lives. We in turn need to be aware of the resources available to us to help our children cope with their loss.

There are counselors available at the local Health Department who are trained to deal with children when they have lost a loved one. Many times children will open up or display their feelings through playing and the counselor will be able to talk with them about the situation.

Many good books have been written on explaining death to a child. They can be found in outlets such as Barnes and Nobles and Border Books stores. They are age appropriate in the way they explain death. The local library may also carry books on this subject.

Explaining death to a child is one of the most difficult task we have to face in life. Explain to the child as honestly as you can as to what caused this person to die. If the person has been sick explain the illness to the best of your ability. This will assure the child that they will not die also just because they become ill.

Children will have many questions dealing with the loved one dying. Explain in terms they will understand at their age level. Be prepared to answer many questions as they may need time to grasp the true meaning of death.

By communicating to the child what to expect on the days following the death such as the visitation and the funeral you will be preparing the child for a confusing couple of days. Children need to know what to expect and that you are there to answer their questions. By allowing them to attend the visitation and service this will add a reference point when explaining that the loved one will not be returning.

Expect a child to ask questions for a time after the death as they try to understand the process fully. Perhaps a visit to the cemetery to place flowers on the grave will help them understand that this is where their loved one is and they can visit the grave whenever the want. Over time they will grasp the meaning of death and how to deal with it.

Explaining death as part of the cycle of life isn't easy but when we truthfully answer questions the child might have, we dispel the fear and misconceptions of death for our children. Just remember to keep the answers simple and age appropriate.

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