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Recently in Perth, Australia, 37 year-old Angela Travers decided to get married on her own in a "flash-bash" where she could be a dream bride and the center of attention. "I didn't want to be an old, fat, frumpy bride, so I thought I'd do it now, while I still looked good enough in a slinky, gorgeous wedding gown", was her explanation for this strange decision.

"Not having a groom was a bonus, since I was the one making all the decisions There was no conflict or squabbles or meddling in-laws This was definitely going to be all about me, me, me!"

Does this sound completely bizarre? Probably. No doubt it was also a publicity stunt. Yet one of the most common reasons for the failure of a romantic relationship is the inability/unwillingness of one or both parties to consider the feelings and needs of the other.

Perhaps this is, at least in part, the result of many children today being given too much too soon. There is an increasing expectation among teenagers in western nations that not only will their every need be met but that they will be dressed in expensive brand-name jeans and surf-gear, be given the latest mobile phone or ipod and have their every whim taken seriously.

Of course there are exceptions. I also know many teens who are deeply compassionate, volunteering to take part in aid trips to third-world nations, even contributing towards the expenses involved. I believe such young people are well on the way to being the leaders of the future.

For any relationship to flourish, mutual respect and loyalty, the willingness to give until it hurts, to listen to your partner's concerns, appreciate the differences that make each of you unique and to serve one another are all vital. These qualities are not easily fostered; they take time and effort. In today's climate of instant results at the press of a button, the things that require work over a period of time are not attractive but they are immensely worthwhile.

When we are committed to a relationship and want it to work, we won't consider working at these things to be drudgery, but immensely rewarding. Sometimes the process can also be very painful. For example, we learn that through our desire for transparency we can hurt the other person. Dredging up the past may relieve our own feelings temporarily but sometimes the past is better left there. Wisdom grows with experience.

If both parties put the needs of the other before their own, both sets of needs will still be met, and the act of giving causes the relationship to grow and mature. Serving one another may seem strange in an age of 'upward mobilization' and self-promotion, but it is the lifeblood of any successful partnership. Let's turn around the current divorce trend and increasingly high rate of relationship breakdown by learning to give and serve rather than take and rule.

Learn more about this author, Ann Johnstone.
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