by Patricia Young

Created on: May 26, 2008   Last Updated: May 28, 2008

There are many reasons that may cause separation anxiety in children. These include time away from parents, illness, tiredness, starting day care or school, divorce or insecurity.

Separation anxiety in babies can be quite daunting for first-time parents. When you bring your child home from the hospital, unless there are medical problems, most babies settle well into a sleeping pattern. Then at about six months of age, your child may suddenly cry when someone other than his parents picks him up or even talks to him. This could be the start of a Separation Anxiety Disorder. It is wise to tackle the problem straight away before it becomes a way of life with your child.

You could try leaving your child with a baby sitter for a short time at first, gradually working up to a few hours. A good idea is to invite the sitter to have coffee with you at the house a couple of times before leaving your child with her. That way, the child will get used to her as a friend and will not be as anxious when you leave him with the sitter. Of course many first-time parents suffer separation anxiety themselves, and they tend to phone the sitter every hour on the hour to check on their child.

When an only child is about to get a brother or sister and you, the mother go to the hospital, your toddler may suffer separation anxiety. He has been used to having you all to himself for a few years, and does not like you to be away from him, even for a short time. In this case, if you prepare your child for the eventual arrival of their new playmate with lots of stories about having a baby brother or sister and how nice it will be, your child should recover quickly and even look forward to the new baby.

While most children who attend day care are very much at home there, some children always want their parent to stay with them. In these cases, it is best to give your child a kiss and a cuddle goodbye, tell them to have a lovely day and that you will pick them up after work. Then leave the child with the carer and walk straight out the door without looking back. Even though this may be very stressful for you, the parent, your child will soon get used to this routine.

The first day of school is an important milestone for your child. You can prepare them for this big step beforehand by taking them to visit their school, and talking about going to school and how great it will be. There are usually lots of tears on the first day, from both parents and children, but gradually school days become easier and fun.
Their teacher is always willing to help the children settle in to their school routine but some children remain anxious for quite some time. If their anxiety persists, even magnifies, a visit to the family doctor or a counselor might be the answer.

In the case of separation or divorce, your child may become very upset at having his parents living apart, and only seeing one or the other at a set time. This situation needs specialist handling as the child often blames himself. Gradually, with lots of loving tender care, the child becomes used to the situation. If the anxiety continues, the child should respond to counseling by a qualified professional.

There are many excellent resources and books available online, or you could borrow suitable books from your local library that will be very useful in understanding and helping your child if he suffers from Separation Anxiety Disorder.

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