by Lori Lynn Olivier

Created on: May 26, 2008

Sports, Religion and Pot Luck

"You know what I mean, those 'Christmas Catholics'. They'd rather be at the lake cabin, skiing in Colorado, backpacking in Europe - anywhere but Sunday Mass in 'Nordeast' Minneapolis".

I heard this comment one Sunday morning before Christmas, just after the sermon and before the offering. I turned around in an attempt to find a face for the voice, and to no surprise of my own the comment came directly from the mouth of Charlie VanDreusseldeeran.

I gave him a slight nod and faced towards the altar just as the collection plate was being passed down the row I was in. I pulled a ten from my wallet and dropped it in as the plate floated by me. I watched for a minute as families dropped in checks and money. From a distance I could hear the slight chink-chink of coins as they hit the bottom of the plate, more likely placed there by the small hands of children who had received a quarter, dime or nickle from their parents and were instructed to put it in the plate as it came past.

Eventually the offering was collected and the ushers collectively made their way towards the front of the church to make, yet again, another Sunday morning offering to the church's heating bill, electric bill, pastor's salary and , if there was any left over, send a little to a charity somewhere because, after all, we are all Christians.

As the offering made it's way to the front, I had a brief thought which became less brief and more lingering as I contemplated it. I wondered how much offering Charlie Van Dreusseldeeran had put in the collection plate? Five? Ten? Hardly. I speculated that he had put no more than a buck or two in at a time. I would've bet Charlie Van Dreusseldeeran has never parted with a ten, or has even thought about parting with a ten, not even in the name of God. He would, however, part with a ten in the good name of Jack Daniels, and his even better friend, Captain Morgan.

Sure, there were the supposed "Christmas Catholics" that perhaps only attended mass when the time of the year was right, but there were also the cheap Norwegian Lutherans, whose hearts were big, but pocketbooks were small. Charlie would be that guy that would pretend to put money in the collection plate, but actually take out a ten here, a twenty there. Charlie gave Lutherans a bad name, and he was also the man currently criticizing the Catholics in his own mini-sermon to whoever would listen just a few rows back from where I sat. You could also catch Charlie every Saturday night

• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• Next Page >>