by Linda Smith

Created on: May 26, 2008   Last Updated: March 20, 2012

Being confronted with the loss of a beloved family member or friend at an early age can be devastating for a child who may have previously been unaware of the concept or knowledge of death or great loss, impacting on their emotional and psychologically.

Having to explain to a child the concept of death is also very difficult for an adult who may also be experiencing grief, yet the biggest influence for a child at this timeis the people around them showing love and understanding in a difficult time.

Children mimic what they see adults do, yet every child is unique so there is no set standard or instructions on which any adult can rely on, just a vague guideline to see what may help, and this is a great start for the process of helping a child deal with either death.

1. When a loved one is suddenly taken away from a family by a devastating accident or tradgidy, explain to the child what has happened in an age appropriate manner. Never tell a child the person in question has moved or a family pet has run away as this will eventuate in the child waiting for them to come back, or will lead to such questions as, "Can I go and visit them?"

2. To know what to say to a child at this time, think how you would feel if you were told you could never go see that person again. You would feel hurt, sad, and confused. Just as adults learn to deal with their own grief or loss, a child needs to learn the same skills, so they need to be told what they might try and do to help them through such a difficult time. Just as each child is different, so is the process of how they express their confusion or anger.

3. Explain to a child it is OK to ask questions, it is OK to cry. If they feel angry, let them know they have the right to feel angry but also show them how to deal with this anger. It may be to sit in a designated spot and take a few deep breaths until they calm down, it may be to draw how they feel using colors appropriate to the emotion.

4. But most importantly, if a child needs a hug, hold them while they cry. Emphasize to them if they want to talk, someone is always going to listen, and tell them how much they are loved, and how special they are.

Talking to children about how to deal with their grief can be difficult, and it will take some time for a child to accept their loss, so always encourage a child to talk about the person or animal and most importantly thier emotions, whether it be the memories which make them laugh, or the times they spent together, the times they feel they need to sob uncontrollably, or the times when words aren't needed, just having someone there is enough.
This is what will make a difference

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