by Kevin Girouard

Created on: May 25, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

I have fond memories as a child of my Grandma buying me a cake, and when others would eat it, I would complain. The next time she went to the store she bought two cakes, one for me and one for everyone else. I was only five years old and food already was my friend and enemy. Food was easy to rely on, it was always there, and if it wasn't enough to satisfy me I would just eat more.

The older I got, the bigger I got and the more overweight I became. I recall one of my nick names was Baby Huey; at first I hated it and then I suppose I learned to deal with it. Later, when I started high school, I join the swim team and my classmates so lovingly named me Orca. That experience was the first time I really felt the emotional pain of being over weight. Over the years I have tried many different diets and support groups, and they will work if you can actually find the right one for your situation. At my heaviest I was above three hundred fifty pounds. I am currently in a support group that my wife chose and it is working for both of us. I hope I am strong enough to make it stick this time. I have lost over 30 pounds, and it sad, but I don't really feel as different as you might think I should. This might be because this is only about fifteen percent of the total weight I actually need to lose.

Even though I am losing weight and eating much better, not everything in my life has changed. I still look in the mirror as little as possible, and I still need to use humor to mask how I really feel. I have become some what of an expert at hiding my true feelings. I have lost weight in the past and then something would happen and I would run back to the emotional eating that had controlled me in the past. I always end up gain the weight back quicker and becoming heavier than I was before I started losing weight in the first place.
It seems to me that people who do not have weight issues have no idea what people like me go through. At work I am constantly getting all different kinds of unwanted suggestions as to what other people feel should be the right way for me to lose weight. I wish they could understand that all I really need is someone to be supportive and just to listen to what I am going through without trying to change it. I feel hungry most of the time, but I'm on a healthier path and that is what is important. Just imagine only being able to eat in one day all of the calories you would normally eat in just one meal, maybe even less. Still I know in the long run it will be worth it. I truly believe that you need something to keep you going for motivation and inspiration. For instance I am looking forward to not needing a foot stool any more to tie my shoes. I am also looking forward to the day when I can go to the doctor and know that the doctor will not call me morbidly obese, or tell me that my weight is a major health issue. Being able to look in the mirror and like what I see would also be nice. I believe the biggest struggle I will encounter is not losing the weight, but being able to keep it off for life.

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