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I was surprised to see a category for rape at all but then to see 'The stages of date rape' I decided to take a look. Now here I am going further to write on said topic. I am a survivor of sexual assault (which some may say fits in the category of so called 'date rape'). I was nineteen year old virgin. He was my ex-boyfriend. During our teen-aged romance we did a lot of kissing and petting. He was always trying to push me further but I always declined. I was raised in the church and believed sex was only for marriage.

Date rape is a term used when the woman knows her attacker. There doesn't have to be an actual dinner and a movie type date. I'd known my attacker for over five years. Our families were very close. His sister was my best friend. From my experience and from what I have heard from other victims of date rape, there is not a formula, pattern or stages to such a horrific event.

I read once of a study that interviewed convicted rapists and found that many of them liked pornography with depicted violence and specifically feigned forced sexual intercourse. I believe this was true for my attacker.

An important note about the actual rape experience. I did not realize it was about to take place. I told him to stop playing, let me go, stop trying to undress me, but it still did not occur to me that he would pin me down and take my virginity. My advice to anyone who may find themselves in a situation is to take it seriously. If you want to stop and are being pressured and feel the fear, act right away and forcefully try to free yourself. I am lucky that in the struggle I was not knocked out or strangled. I suffered bruises and years of emotional suffering however.

Finally I just want to reiterate that rape is madness. It is a shame that it happens frequently (statistics say 1 in 3 women will suffer from sexual assault in their lifetime). Whether it is a stranger with a knife or a gun in a public place or an ex-boyfriend who wrestles you and pins you down and takes what he always wanted, it is sadistic. To become a victim of rape is to learn that, "I didn't have control of my body" or "It could happen again, any man who wants to can overpower me and take it."

I don't know if any amount of words can describe the 'stages of date rape'; or the impact it can have on a victim. My advice is to know it happens and never put anything past anyone. If you are ever in a situation where someone is being overly aggressive, respond in like manner. I would rather be safe than sorry. I often wish I could have broken a vase or a lamp over my ex-boyfriend's head. However you live and you learn. I have learned that I can help others with my story. I am a survivor, it's been eleven years and I am now on a mission to help other victims and prevent some from ever becoming victims.

If I had to break it down into stages I'd say:

Stage one: He advances and asks/demands sex
Stage two: You say no
Stage three: He continues to aggressively pursue sex
Stage four: Fight as if your life depends on your escape because it just might.

Learn more about this author, Devan Brie Green.
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