by Kristal Mcvicar

Created on: May 24, 2008   Last Updated: March 27, 2012

Recent research concluded that adolescent or young adult children brought into the middle of a high-conflict marriage between their parents contributes to those children internalizing their own problems and causes a weakened relationship with their parents. If those parents divorce, it appears the young adults carry the effects of being pulled between their parents for approximately ten years. If the parents do not divorce it is highly likely that those children are never able to escape the conflict and resulting feelings of being torn between the two, even in adulthood.

The psychology behind the behavior is simple. Usually the parent doing the talking (the offender) is the one who feels they need to justify their behavior and demoralize the other parent because the other parent, if not demoralized in the eyes of the child or children, would certainly appear to be a more loving and capable parent.

The offending parent wishes to create within the child a feeling of sympathy for them. This parent is usually trying to martyr themselves in the process, look like the victim and the only injured party by creating an impression within the minds of their children that they are right and good and the other parent is wrong and bad. This is caused by a deep lack of self respect and self esteem and sometimes a sense of competitiveness. 

The offender, who is receiving the sympathy that is neither deserved nor acknowledged, because of insecurity is without many adult friends whom they could speak with about the issues in their marriage. They feel in this conflict with the opposite parent (the victim) that should they not have the support of the children, they will have nothing and no one.

The victim parent usually receives undeserved contempt and anger from the child or children and a false perception of the reality of the marriage and family. This individual usually carries around alot of guilt and feelings of insecurity as a parent which is often instilled in them from the offending parent. They are often more passive than the offending parent as well. It is an abusive situation all the way around.

In the end, the child or children feel torn and conflicted over their feelings for both parents, not just one.

Children, no matter what their age, have impressionable minds that are easily influenced by those they depend on for food, shelter and love. Their parents. To bring them in as partners in the dysfunctional issues of the marriage of their parents is more than unfair,

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