by Kimberly Hughes

Created on: May 24, 2008

We recently moved in with my husband's elderly parents. At forty something, I married; an only child. 'Son' takes on a different meaning for these doting parents.

Living up to their standard is something I don't even aspire to do. I merely go about my day taking them to doctor's appointments, getting prescriptions, and shopping while seeing to the overall needs of everyone in this family.

In the meantime I try to get in some work. I'm a published author trying to market my novel. As I don't have a 'day job' I don't work - apparently. My husband will call me to ask silly questions like: 'Have you seen my PDA?'

'You took it to work honey.' I'm married to the absent minded professor.

Trying to maintain a time frame to write without interruption has become increasingly difficult. When I tell my mother-in-law that I'm writing she doesn't seem to get it. The lint in the dryer trap is more important than finishing my chapter and is certainly more pressing.

Balancing their needs, my husband's needs and mine is like walking a tight rope in the wind without a net. I've come to realize you can't be all things to all people all the time.

This is especially true with the in-laws. My father-in-law has some peculiar ideas about life and the afterlife. His latest discovery is reincarnation. He was in his own words a doctor in another life as well as an author. This man has a elementary education but has tried to write a book - good for him.

He also believes my husband was Van Gogh or Edison due to the size of his head which is a symbol for how old your soul is.

We have on order four pounds of magnetite lodestone. This is used to make (silly me for not knowing) an anti gravity machine. He claims he can recall how to make this as he was an ancient Egyptian slave in a prior life. I'll let you know how it turns out.

My mother-in-law feels that it's vitally important to let me know how many times the dog does his duty in the yard in detail. This poor woman hovers over our shih-tzu to make an accurate accounting of each job.' She will then gleefully give me the latest update.

She also feels it's important for me to know her schedule for every day.

"We're going to the Waffle House to smoke and then to Wal-Mart to get bread."

There must be something in her past that makes it crucial for the household to have at least six loaves of bread in it at all times. Never mind that hardly anyone ever eats it and we throw it to the birds.

Obtaining a handicap blue card for their rearview mirror was a simple task, but -now my father-in-law who is nearly completely deaf feels it's all right for him to drive because others know he has a problem. Anyone on the road with the dreaded sign should have large flashing blue lights attached to the top of their vehicles to warn us all to stay far far away.

A few days ago my mother-in-law announced that her botox would be in tomorrow.

"Botox?"

"Yes, my botox socks." She pointed to her feet.

"Why would you want botox on your feet?" I asked with barely controlled laughter.

Turns out it was detox socks but hey she was close.

I try to be a good sport, after all one day I too shall be old and my children will need to help me. I just hope they will have a sense of humor about my goofy ideas and indulge me in my endeavors, be they an anti-gravity machine or something equally as nuts.

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