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Short stories: Funny pet stories

by Sammy Jobson

Created on: May 23, 2008

We are what you would call an allergic family. Between the four of us we are allergic to almost every form of plant and animal life. When I was a teenager my parents had me tested for environmental and seasonal allergies: out of the 50 substances tested, I was not allergic to sheep and two kinds of mold. My husband's lips disappear when he eats certain types of fish, and he feels an intense need to take a shower after holding a dusty book. One of my sons has several food allergies, and the other can't go into a house with cats without sacrificing the ability to breathe for several days. (Strangely, he wants to be a zoologist when he grows up.)

Needless to say, we don't have a dog. We are all animal lovers (some of us more than others), but the kids' allergist threatens to call Social Services whenever I bring the subject up. Contrary to everything poodle owners tell us (as well as lhasa apso and terrier owners), there is no such thing as a hypo-allergenic dog. Between the well-intentioned dog owners and the research-driven, objective, Hippocratic-oath swearing allergist, I have no choice but to believe the allergist, so no dog it is.

During our last visit to our mean, mean doctor, we asked him if there was any type of pet we could have, not including fish, which we already own, and which turn out not to be exactly what the kids are looking for in terms of cuteness and cuddliness and the whole man's best friend thing (just try taking a plecostomus for a walk in the neighborhood). He said that maybe we could try a guinea pig. Not because they're hypo-allergenic, but rather, according to him, because the kids wouldn't get as attached to a guinea pig as they would to a dog, so when the allergies set in after a few days, weeks, or months, it wouldn't be so hard to give the little guy away. (A totally false assumption to begin with, as any young guinea pig owner can attest to).

In any case, we decided to get a guinea pig, and one fine March day headed off to the pet store to procure the little critter. But something happened to us inside that pet store: a thick fog descended, and when we got home we realized we had not only acquired a strange, jet-black guinea pig, but also the cutest baby bunny ever to live, and about $500 in credit card debt.

Discover the ultimate cuteness that is Fluffy (aptly named by the future zoologist): caramel colored, one ear up and one ear down, little puffy cotton tail, friendly and relaxed, destroyer of homes. Fluffy has to date demolished

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