by Ted Sherman

Created on: May 23, 2008

HUMOR: Well, yes, some very few special people use ten percent or more of their brains. If you're talking about the most intelligent humans of history. We all know, geniuses like Einstein, Gallileo, Edison, Da Vinci, Michelangelo, the Wright Brothers and the Spears Sisters are way up in the brain-use percentages.

However, most of us use considerably less than ten percent of our noggins in trying to solve the mysteries and pitfalls of everyday life. Please allow me to give you some examples of those who'd have a lot of trouble conjuring up even one percent of their grey matter:

1. The guy who sits in that big White House and who controls the biggest atomic weapons force in the entire world. He can't even pronounce nucular, I mean nuclear.

2. Anyone who watches Howard Stern or listens to Rush Limbaugh.

3. Any religious freak who explodes his stupid butt into smithereens, while murdering groups of innocent women and children. How can those idiots expect to go to a heavenly afterlife to get it on with 27 virgins. Most guys I know can't even handle one.

4. Anyone who believes those TV phony ads and sincere testimonials for diet pills, and takes them faithfully every day, while scarfing down double double patty Big Macs and sugar-loaded soft drinks.

5. Anyone who believes anything any politician says. They don't lie all the time, only when their mouths are open.

6. Little old lady retirees who go to the glitzy rip-off casinos and expect to win. No, make that who expect to go home with any money, savings or Social Security checks left at all.

7. Any buyer who shops at an auto dealership and expects not to be cheated. Swimming with the real sharks is safer.

8. Anyone who believes the thieving oil industry and the crooked politicians in their pockets are not robbing your blind just as fast as they can raise the prices again, again and again.

9. Any future cancer-victim addict who believes smoking isn't really that dangerous, or worse, that it doesn't also kill all the people nearby unfortunate enough to have to breathe and smell the befouled air.

10. Any fun-loving driver who thinks just that one extra drink for the road is OK, and expects to get home in one piece.

11. All sports fans who complain about the rising cost of gas at the pump, then go out and pay $500 a seat to watch grossly-overpaid, steroid-loaded jocks bat, swat, mat and splat each other. And don't forget about the $5 beer in a paper cup, $10 for stale popcorn and $15 for all-fat hot dogs.

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