by Lady Demure

Created on: May 23, 2008

People who have been betrayed in a romantic relationship experience all sorts of feelings. "Handling" a cheating lover may be a very difficult undertaking. You may think that revenge is the sweetest way of all to "handle" someone who has done you wrong. But revenge often causes more damage than good. Striking back with an affair or your own may ultimately find you with nobody to call your own. Furthermore, two wrongs very rarely make a righteven if it DOES feel good to pull the wool over a cheater's eyes.

When the trust in a relationship has been damaged in some way, it can be devastating for the person who has been betrayed. You may wonder what you might have done or said to cause the betrayal. Indeed, your ego has probably suffered a terrible bruising. And in the wake of the affair, you may wonder what you should do. There are quite a few things to consider:

1. Have you confronted the cheater? - Once she/he is aware that you know, gauging her/his reaction may help you to make the next step. More than likely the person will be remorseful. But you'll first need to determine whether the remorse is born of the ACT itself, or just because she/he got caught.

2. Do you still love the person? - Before you say "yes," consider that you may have felt things going awry for quite some time, and may have just been holding on to the relationship because it is comfortable. Ask yourself this question honestly, to decide whether he/she is even worthy of fighting for.

3. Should you provide an ultimatum? - If in finding out that your loved one has cheated on you, you decide to submit an ultimatum "me or the other" -you'd better be sure that you're prepared for the answer. If the person feels pressured to make a decision, she/he may end up choosing the option that DOESN'T include you. This is a reality that you must face before you make demands.

All in all, there is no real way to "handle" a cheating lover. Ultimately, the person will do what he or she wants to do whether you know about it or not. Theonly thing that you can really handle is your response to the cheating. Relationships can be repaired. And should you decide to reconcile your differences, you may want to initiate some rules which will help him/her to regain your trust. Know also that should the "rules" be broken, your lover will be carefully gauging your response to see just how serious you were about where you stand.

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