by Brenda Halverson

Created on: May 23, 2008

Friendships are as varied as the people in them. They can be based on eccentricities or common interests, or nothing more than social standing. I hope my friendships are more than that, and I wonder, what is the common denominator in the few friendships I enjoy?

My longest friendship is with my best friend from grade school. At age fifty-six she decided to become a flight attendant, and I am terribly proud of her. Because of her work and the fact that we live four hours apart, our only communication is by email. I had not heard from her for three years the day she dropped in at my office with a ferret in a cage. Without his rabies certificate she could not take him across the Canadian border, and would I keep him for a few days? What could I say? A few years earlier my kids and I had escaped to her house for a weekend when I desperately needed a break from the stresses at home-in fact, I think that was the last time we had spoken-until she needed a babysitter for "Freddie". Of course he could stay with us. It was a time to touch base again and makes a great story to tell our kids. After years of no communication, this friend and I can pick up as if we had just talked yesterday. I need a friend like that. I trust her to be my friend forever.

My college roommate is another friend I admire and trust. At age seven she found out she was diabetic, and learned to give herself insulin shots. She has spirit, that girl! Heart surgery, a kidney transplant, retina surgery and staph infections are only a few of the challenges she has faced during her life. She was and is determined to life a full life. She got married and held down a full time job for most of her life. Even when I am not at my best, this friend refuses to think a bad thought about me. She makes me want to be better than I am. I know that she will always defend me. Though we, too, have a long distance friendship, I visit her sometimes, and we talk often through emails. There have been long silences in this friendship too. It doesn't matter. We will always be friends.

My third friend is someone I really disliked. She tried to befriend me, and finally I agreed to spend an afternoon with her, planning to be as disagreeable as possible so she would leave me alone in the future. Thankfully, she put up with my attitude until I learned better. We now talk about anything and everything. Because she is a moderately famous author and a life coach, she has so many life experiences that make her very wise and interesting. After a visit, she and her well-educated husband will often thank me for the "good conversation" a statement which mystifies and humbles me. These people are true friends-I respect my friend and her husband for their achievements, and for their integrity with is demonstrated in everything they do.

By contrast, I once knew a person who seemed like she would be my best friend. We thought alike, finished each others sentences, and laughed at the same things. Our families were so similar, we could relate to everything the other had experienced. Sadly, I could not rely on this person to keep her word. She turned out not to be trustworthy. She moved away and the friendship was over.

Writing about them helps me realize how fortunate I am to have these people in my life and to define what friendship means to me. My friends embody the things I admire in others. They believe the best about me, and they bring out the best in me. I respect, admire and trust them. And-the true mark of a friend-the feeling is mutual!

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