by Nicole Rossi

Created on: May 22, 2008   Last Updated: March 21, 2012

Parenting is a continual challenge. Two important things you can do to become a more effective parent are keeping your parenting positive, and keeping things calm.

Always try to keep your tone and attitude positive. Children are more likely to improve their behavior and maintain good behaviors based on praise, rather than punishment. Make a point to acknowledge and praise your child any time he or she does something that you want to encourage.

When it seems your child is doing nothing praiseworthy, you probably need to focus on smaller acts and accomplishments. Pay attention to anything the child does that you can recognize in a positive fashion. Perhaps your six year old finally remembered to put his cup in the sink after finishing his milk. "Thanks for remembering to put your cup in the sink! It really helps me out when you put your dishes in the sink rather than leaving them on the counter." Avoid "compliments" that are negative or accusatory in tone, such as "I see that you finally remembered to put your cup in the sink."

On the other hand, if your child forgets to put that cup in the sink (perhaps for the hundredth time), you could say, "Hey, it would be great if you could put your cup in the sink," instead of, "How many times have I told you to put your cup in the sink?" or, worse yet, yelling at the child. Never call your child stupid for forgetting to complete tasks that you expect him or her to remember. This kind of negativity fosters resentment, and can negatively affect your child's self esteem.

When you do feel the need to address a serious misbehavior, impose a "consequence" rather than a "punishment." Consequences should be related to the inappropriate behavior whenever possible. As an example, if your child intentionally broke something that belonged to another child, an appropriate consequence would be making the child apologize, and help pay to replace the item.

For behaviors that do not lend themselves to something like this, consider taking away a privilege. If your school aged child speaks to your disrespectfully, you might take away his or her favorite toy or game for a set period of time. When the item gets returned, ask the child to tell you why he or she lost that privilege, and use the opportunity to reinforce the behavior that you expect in the future.

The other important thing to remember is to keep it calm. Once you've lost your temper, you are no longer making good parenting choices. If you begin raising your voice or yelling

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