A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you."
"I know," said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."
That is an old joke but sleeplessness is no joke. Until recently you wouldn't find me losing any sleep over insomnia, then one night last week I discovered I, too, couldn't get to sleep. I went to the doctors and he gave me extra strong sleeping pills but I was reluctant to take them in case I became hooked on to them.
That was a couple of weeks ago. I mentioned this to my friend and he gave me a book and told me he found it helpful. The book was called "How to beat insomnia". I read it from cover to cover but when I finished I was still wide awake.
Last Saturday night I decided I would count sheep and see if that would work. I had never done it before. So at ten thirty I climbed into bed, put my head on the pillow and lay there until I got the picture of sheep jumping over this fence and I started to count them. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. One hour later I had counted three thousand six hundred sheep and I was still wide awake.
So I got out of bed and had a smoke to calm me down. While I was smoking I thought to myself when did this method of counting sheep originate? I went onto the internet and found it very interesting. Did you know counting sheep was originally a traditional counting system used by English shepherds to audit their flock? The system was called Yan Tan Tethera.
They used special counting terms and below are one of the many (now archaic) versions:
1....................Yan
2.................. ..Tan
3..................Tether
4.................Meth er
5.....................Pit
6..................Tayter
7..................Layter
8..................Overa
9.. ...............Covera
10..................Dicks
11.... ........Yan-a-Dicks
12............Tan-a-Dicks
13...... ...Tether-a-Dicks
14........Mether-a-Dicks
15......... .......Bumfit
16..........Yan-a-Bumfit
17..........Tan -a-Bumfit
18........Tether-a-Bumfit
19.......Mether-a- Bumfit
20..................Jiggit. 20 sheep are a score'.
By now I was beginning to feel drowsy so I decided to go back to bed and start counting sheep again. Yan, tan, tether, mether, pit, tayter, layter, overa, covera, dicks
The time was 12.30 a.m. By one o'clock I was up to two thousand five hundred. The counting of sheep was driving me baaaaaaarmy! Counting sheep wasn't working. I mean, if you think about it, if it did work the farmers would never know how many sheep were in their flock because by the time they reach sixty six they would have fallen asleep. To have a successful sheep census they would have to hire chronic insomniacs. But I digress.
Then it occurred to me I may be doing something wrong. You see, I am a vegetarian, maybe I shouldn't count meat. So I decided to count a vegetable. So I started counting cabbages. Yan, tan, tether, mether, pit, tayter, layter, overa, covera, dicks
Two thirty I was up to three thousand cabbages. I was still wide awake. The silence was so loud. All I could hear was the ticking of alarm clock. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock so I started counting the tick tocks. Yan, tan, tether, mether, pit, tayter, layter, overa, covera, dicks
After a while I began to notice the bell ringing by the nearby church.
I heard Bong! Bong! Bong at three o'clock. Bong! Bong! Bong! Bong at four o'clock. Bong! Bong! Bong! Bong! Bong at five o'clock. I got up out of bed and looked through the window and saw Dawn coming up over the hill. She had been out all night. I know it's an old joke but despite my lack of sleep I hadn't lost my sense of humour. I never heard the six bongs so I must have dozed off.
Next thing I knew it was seven thirty I was woken by the alarm going off. I got up. Got dressed and I was about to get into the car to drive to work when I heard the church bells again. It was Sunday. I didn't have to wake up! That was it. I decided to go back to bed and take two of the sleeping pills. I lay my head on the pillow, closed my eyes. Yan, tan, tether Zzzzzzzzz.
Boy, did I sleep well and was awake before I heard the alarm. It was a beautiful morning, the sun was shining and I was feeling really great. Nine thirty I strolled into the office and said to the boss. "I've just had a great night's sleep and I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."
"That's fine," he replied, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"