by feathers

Created on: May 22, 2008

1 TEAMWORK
Aside from the obvious thing about fertilizing an ovum, it takes teamwork to become a parent and you need to accept that even if you provided the ovum and the womb, you're still part of a childraising team. Doctors and medical technicians, your own parents and inlaws, your best friends, your siblings, and some woman who was stuck in front of you in the supermarket queue are all going to want to give you their opinion. Some of what they say will be very useful advice. Some of it will be absolute rubbish. Unfortunately, as the parent, you have to be able to tell which is which. Good luck.

2 A PHILOSOPHICAL OUTLOOK
If you are on the way to becoming a mother, you will face nine solid months with somebody else in charge of your body. There is absolutely nothing you can do about this. Take a deep breath and relax. Welcome to your new life. If you are on the way to becoming a father, you will face nine solid months of living with a woman who has apparently just taken complete leave of her senses. Don't try to rationalise what's going on, just be there.

3 PHYSICAL STAMINA
This is not so bad for dads during pregnancy. They need to focus more on point #2. For mothers, the pregnancy can bring symptoms of discomfort, distention and dyspepsia. It can mean sore feet, and aching back, stuffed up nose, insomnia and fatigue. Once the baby's born, sleep becomes a fantasy. You will probably find that you're just as keen to get into bed as you were when you first married, but now you just want to sleep. Babies can't walk, can't talk, can't feed themselves, and have no idea about using the toilet. You have to take care of all that stuff for them. There will be no rewards for this, and you will have the added burden of the team from point #1 giving you advice that's completely contradictory and all makes perfect sense (or all sounds like rubbish).

Remember point #2 and don't yell at any of them.

4 PATIENCE
Being a parent can be very, very boring. Yes, it's infinitely rewarding, but also boring. No, you will not be able to carry on the life you lived when you were without children. Not unless you were an unkempt, insomniac, agoraphobic social outcast (I'm assuming here that you are a normal human parent and not a multimillionaire who has three nannies, five cooks, a dozen housekeepers and a personal trainer for every day of the week). Babies spend a lot of time sleeping. (Just not all in a lump, like you do). They express their needs through loud crying, they are not interested

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