by Kiki Mcdonald

Created on: May 21, 2008

Isn't it always the truly humiliating moments that seem to be the most memorable landmarks in the bumpy road trip of life? On the up side, these very same episodes are usually the ones that bring the biggest laughs when recounted on rare evenings with my girlfriends. On girl's night out, we drink a lot of wine and act like the girls we haven't been in 20 years. And I always leave a big tip for our waitress, because our waitress used to be me.

It was my first day of training as a waitress in a four-star restaurant. I needed something to bring in money until I figured out what to do with my life after divorcing and moving back to my hometown following a brief cross-country stint and a trial run at marriage.
When I walked into that room, the adventure drained out of my life just as quickly as the color drained from my face. The black orthopedic shoes didn't help, nor the fact that I was wearing a freaking bowtie. No, the world was so not my oyster that day. It had not been in many days, but that one was looking exceptionally bleak.
As I pushed open the double doors to the banquet room where the bridal shower I was serving was taking place, my heart sank. In fact, it plummeted, right down through my pleated tuxedo shirt, past my black polyester A-line skirt to my hideous black shoes. It probably would have gone right through the floor if it weren't for the ultra-support soles of those accursed aerobic cross-trainers, because sitting in that very banquet room was every adorable blonde, blue-eyed, cheerleading, guaranteed-to-have-a-prom-date, popular girl from my high school. Swear to God. Swear. To. God.
Forget that 10 years had passed since high school graduation, forget the fact that I had earned a B.F.A., married, divorced, moved thousands of miles away, moved back, lived in three different states, seen some incredible bands, met some amazing people, done shots with Hunter S. Thompson, no really, Hunter S., seen fire and seen rain. Forget the fact that I was much cooler than any of them would ever be. Ever. Forget all that, because right at that moment, this is what I was: their waitress. And yeah, in answer to your question, I'm doing great, just great. Yeah, just got divorced, moved in with my mom, and yeah, if you are done with that cake plate, I can get that out of your way for you. Thanks. And congratulations on the upcoming nuptials, yeah. That's great. Great. Happy for you.
Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to be stepping back into the kitchen for just a

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>