by Jessica Collins

Created on: May 21, 2008

When my future mother-in-law called me by the name of my fiance's former girlfriend, not once but twice, I was able to laugh it off because we had talked about our past relationships. I knew that my future husband had been in a long-term relationship before meeting me, so a slip by his mother didn't phase me all that much. I cannot imagine how hurt and confused I would have felt if I had never heard of what's-her-name before, but suddenly found out that another woman had beaten me home to meet the parents.

If a couple is truly committed and serious about their relationship, talking about past relationships can strengthen the current one. Obviously there were reasons why past relationships didn't work out, and sometimes talking about such irreconcilable differences can help a couple avoid having the same difficulties. There is real truth to the phrase "Knowledge is power".

Not that every detail of former flings needs to be allowed to see the light of day, but a few essential facts can be helpful. These facts can even create opportunities to eliminate fears about past sweeties coming back into the picture. For example, I took great pleasure in revisiting some of the places that my husband and his former girlfriend had been and creating a new and better experience for the two of us. It made me feel empowered over his past relationships, and seeing the pleasure he took from those trips reassured me that he was truly happy to be there with me, and not daydreaming about how happy he had been with her.

There is also an advantage to talking about past relationships before some well-meaning friend mentions them at a summer barbecue. You have a golden opportunity to tell your side of the relationship story first, before seeds of jealousy and doubt can be planted by stories told at some party.

It is important to make this a mutual discussion. This isn't just about you regaling your significant other with tales of your past loves to make him or her jealous or for comparison. A conversation about past relationships is a serious step towards a long-term current relationship. It shows that you trust the other person enough to discuss such a sensitive topic with them, and that you care about them enough to want to hear about their past relationships as well. Past relationships can have an impact on current relationships, whether a couple wants to admit it or not. Being open about the past can help to avoid big problems in the present and future.

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