by Christina Peek

Created on: May 21, 2008   Last Updated: August 29, 2011

The definition of Divorce has never been changed, but its meaning to Americans has mutated through the past century. The once taboo term has become.... celebrated. Forty years ago, a divorced woman would never speak of such a thing and would pray her peers would not find out she had been divorced. Modern day women throw divorce parties. Many are already planning their next wedding at the time their divorce is finalized. This change in the perception of divorce has made it acceptable in our society, regardless of it's religious repercussions. Couples are now readily entering into the pact of marriage simply because they know they can just divorce if it doesn't work out.

The statistics are sad and can be demoralizing for new couples beginning a life together. Maintaining a marriage is a lot of work. Maintaining a happy marriage is nearly impossible. There are a few things that I have learned in my five year marriage that have kept my marriage happy and I would like to share them with you. They will all take some effort from both sides, but a happy marriage can be the most rewarding investment you will ever make.

Rule #1 Make a conscious decision every day to stay married. There are too many temptations and negative opportunities for people in a relationship to face everyday. It is a choice that you have to make daily to not give in.

Rule #2 Find something each day to make your spouse's life better. Its as simple as an unexpected phone call to say I love you. A hug for no reason or holding hands in public. It doesn't have to cost money, just a little effort.

Rule #3 Use common sense! If you look at a situation and you would get upset if the roles were reversed, DON'T DO IT. Doubt breeds doubt. The best way to maintain a great trust in a marriage is to not plant the seed of doubt in the first place. This rule runs parallel to rule number one, make conscious decisions.

Rule #4 Live in the present. Nothing that happened yesterday is worth ruining today's happiness. This rule is not to say that you have to physically be around each other every day. Simply maintain a mindset of today rather than harboring negative feelings from past arguments or events.

These rules are key to building a happy marriage. Once again, it is not easy. There will be days where you would rather eat feces than do something nice for your spouse; however, putting in that effort to do something sincere will refresh the entire mood you both have. Especially if there has been recent tension. Here are a few other tips that may help you in your quest for a happy marriage.

Make sure that you are being mature in making the decision to get married in the first place. Premarital counseling, even one session, is extremely beneficial.

Show your love to your spouse. Too many people these days complain about not getting emotional support from their partner, thus leading to affairs. Make an effort everyday to show you care.

Remain objective and empathetic. Think about how your actions are going to affect your spouse. Don't put yourself in a situation that will cause doubt in your relationship.

Don't be fooled, marriage IS work. It will test your patience, your will. It will be an emotional roller coaster. In the end, though, it can be the most rewarding experience that you will ever have.

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