by Violet Holland

Created on: May 21, 2008   Last Updated: May 22, 2008

The idea of intimate relationships has existed for as long as man, yet the concept of what an intimate relationship is seems to conflict with just about everyone you meet. I have often yearned for that relationship that would last until life ceased and yet in spite of my yearnings I have discovered it is quite difficult to find. I have witnessed the elderly couple walking through the park, holding hands and wondered exactly what kept them holding hands at such a late period in their lives. My conclusion, although coming from an amateur, is "real" love versus the "idea" of being in love.

Although I consider myself a woman of modern times, I suppose I still hold those old values' that would and could keep a relationship going, yet finding a partner that holds those same values is almost extinct due to the modernization of what a relationship should be. Everyone wants real' love yet most are in such a hurry to have it that they don't want to wait around to find that soul mate'. Genuine love is still the most rewarding emotion a soul could ever find, but finding it can sometimes take years. People fall in and out of love every day but for the most part, they have not found their true soul mate and are only dreaming that the person before them is their love. Loneliness, also often times plays a big role in settling for that incompatible lover.

Relationships are much like a job, you have to work on it. Regardless of how compatible you may be, there are still times that disagreements arise and you must either agree to disagree or meet your partner halfway. Both options can work but only with the intense desire to make it work. With more than half the population in the U.S. divorced, it is obvious that people are either not willing to compromise or hold a fantasy idea that love works without effort. Both can bring much heart ache in the end.

I spent a good portion of my married life trying to please my partner and finding my feelings hurt when he didn't appear to be doing the same. I went so far as to contact our preacher who suggested we learn the five love languages and discover which were ours. We proceeded to do so, but in retrospect, I believe it is up to couples to find compatibility more so than to try and accept and excuse your loved ones behavior. Sooner or later you run out of excuses and become tired of accepting that which really hurts the heart.

Another time, another pastor, suggested that each night as we lie in bed we hold hands and pray. Beginning the

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