by Maggie Goins

Created on: May 21, 2008

Delivery time! Nina Nursery Nurse hurries to the birthing center, wondering, hoping that the baby will be a vigorous, healthy one. Any new baby can take you by surprise. Nina knocks on the door and enters with an internal "yikes!" Oh, and, families can take you by surprise, too.

I have seen families in need of a wardrobe consultant, a shower, a shave, a cup of coffee, or several hours of sleep. There have been many piercings in uncomfortable looking places, tattoos covering areas that I wish clothing had instead, hair I would hesitate to comb. But, just as I have learned that expecting the unexpected when dealing with people is a good thought to keep, I have also come to realize that you can't tell what kind of parents you are looking at just by looking at them. To find out more, we get help from a screening process that takes place during admission of the mother.

Does everyone who comes to the hospital tell us the truth about everything? No, but many tell us enough. A mother admitting to drug or alcohol use is tested on admission. In the case of a positive, baby's meconium, the first stool, is collected and sent for testing to see what baby had been exposed to in the uterus. All mothers are checked for HIV. We have medical social workers, child protection service workers, financial assistance programs ready and waiting. Should a mother with a drug or alcohol history be allowed to take care of a child? The automatic answer may have once been no, of course not, but some mothers need help getting out of the hole they have dug, fallen, or been pushed into. Is it worth a try? Many times, yes. There may be temporary custody to foster families while the parents, who now have a very good reason to, clean themselves up.

Babies are such a blessing, a gift. They should never be in danger, hurt, neglected. Do I often wish only the Barbie and Ken family, happily married and financially sound, came in to deliver babies? Of course. Sometimes we have a NICU more than half full of babies with social issues of various kinds already in their little lives. Am I naive enough to believe everyone can be helped? No, not this old lady. Am I wise enough to think I can tell the bad parents from the good, worthy ones? I used to think so.

We had sweet little preemie twin boys in our NICU for several weeks. These were the kind of babies you dream about: cried only when they needed something, slept well, no major medical problems. All they needed to do was grow big enough to go home. Their parents were devoted, impeccable, able to do all the right things for the boys when they came to visit. We sent them home without a concern. The boys were admitted to Pediatrics before too long with bruises on their little bodies from being grabbed and injuries from being thrown against a wall.

Should everyone have the right to have a baby? I believe there is good in many people, that they want to be better and do better, and can do so with some help, but anyone who would do harm to an innocent baby does not deserve them in their lives. May we have the wisdom to know the difference.

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