by Tim Driver

Created on: May 21, 2008

Having taught for over 20 years at the junior high, high school, and graduate college level, it is safe to say that parents aren't going away any time soon. Neither are teachers. Because of this it is important that, rather than being adversaries on opposite sides of what is best for the student, they are able to join forces to maximize student success. Here are some tips for parents who are having trouble with teachers who appear difficult.

Listen- A good teacher will hear a parent out completely before trying to offer their perspective. As a parent allow for the same. Teachers can be a great resource for seeing changes or "changes of direction" in your child, long before they are visible to the parent. As a parent encourage teachers to alert you to anything that is out of the ordinary in terms or behavior or work quality. This will give the teacher the impression that as the parent you will place more accountability on your son or daughter than the school, and often it will cause teachers to be more moderate in dealing with the student. When the teacher does alert you, LISTEN.

Avoid Arguing- Understand that teachers, especially those at the secondary level, hear large amounts of arguing daily! When you begin to argue or challenge them, it sets off a mini alarm in the teacher's head that suggests that the kid turned out the way they did because you taught them with your actions. Instead, ask good questions that force the teacher to verbalize their philosophy. Often times in that extra discourse, misunderstandings can be cleared up in a surprisingly easy fashion. Good questions are much better at getting to the root of the problem than arguing.

Leave Past History at the Door- It doesn't matter if your student has gotten a straight "A" report card every year since birth. That does not mean that they deserve an "A" based on past merit, but only on current performance. Therefore, stick to the present. Likewise, if there have been past issues with a particular teacher, do NOT revisit those when a new issue comes up. Treat each as a separate instance, and expect that the teacher do the same. The one exception is if you are trying to establish a pattern of behavior by the teacher, and the pattern itself is the complaint, rather than a particular incident. Make that clear if you are to bring up past issues.

Leave other teachers and parents out of it- Do NOT talk about other teachers that your son or daughter (or even you) enjoy. Often times bitter teachers already know they are unpopular, and it only causes them to exercise what little power they do possess on meaningless issues. Your cause will not be embraced either, if you keep mentioning how other parents agree with you. This causes the teacher to feel "ganged up on" and is not productive. Instead, use positive phrases like, "Regardless of what my student does in any other class, I want them to have success in your class because I think it is important."

Respect- Showing respect for the subject, as well as for the level of education needed to be a teacher (constantly having to go back to college for more credits) will gain you major headway. Do NOT patronize however. Instead, recognize verbally that your child is only 1 of about 150 a teacher may see in a day. Affirm that special treatment is not expected. Instead, ask how you as a parent can help to make the situation better on your end of things.

All these tips will help you gain the respect of teachers, making education more what it used to be- a teamwork between parents, teachers, and community, rather than what it has turned into- an adversarial battle of wills and agendas.

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